The Momentum Conservation Part II: Recovery
by allanjay
Summary: This is the continuation of The Momentum Conservation Part I: Action and Reaction. Part I began immediately after the end of episode 8x24, the season 8 finale, with Penny and Leonard headed to Las Vegas. The other characters eventually enter, especially Sheldon and Amy. Part II begins the morning after the last day of Part I.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N This is the first chapter of the second part of this story. If you have not read the first part - The Momentum Conservation Part 1: Action and Reaction – you will almost certainly be confused. Sorry, but I couldn't really make this second part self-contained, as it follows naturally from the events in Part 1. And I didn't really think it useful to try to provide a thumbnail summary of all 23 chapters in Part 1. The action begins the morning after the last day of Part 1.**

* * *

Penny lay awake in bed, remembering the conversation of the previous evening. Momentum, she thought; and momentous. Were the words related, she wondered? But she saw the way clear now: they would be married, and soon. And they both wanted to start a family, also soon. Wow. She shook her head in wonder, and smiled in quiet delight, as she got out of bed silently so as not to wake Leonard. She wandered down to the bathroom and then to the kitchen.

Sheldon was sitting on the couch, reading; Penny started in surprise to see him – he usually left with Raj for work by 7.30 and it was now after 8. "Sheldon, you're here! Is everything all right?"

"Yes, I decided to take the bus today. How are you?"

"Just fine," Penny said cautiously. She knew from experience that there had to be a reason for the change in routine. But she wanted to ask him something anyway. "Sheldon, I have a question for you. You know so much about everything, I figured you were the right one to ask." More flies with honey, she thought.

Sheldon smiled: "Ask away."

"Well, I just read _Wuthering Heights_ and I really liked it."

Sheldon interrupted, "Ugh. That sentimental claptrap? Well, I guess it takes all kinds…."

"Whatever. I liked it. Maybe it's a girl thing. Anyway, I want to read something else that's similar. What would you suggest?"

"As I say," Sheldon continued, pedantically, "I regard it as sentimental claptrap. But there are certainly similar novels. The obvious place to start would be with _Jane Eyre_."

"Who's she?"

"Not who," Sheldon said impatiently, "what. It's a novel by Emily Brontë's sister, Charlotte. Same general idea. Those who like the genre argue about which is better between the two novels, so if you liked one you'll probably like the other."

"Oh. OK. Thanks!" She waited for Sheldon to tell her why he was really there. She didn't have to wait long.

"Penny, actually I stayed here to talk to you. By the way, I see you've been getting up earlier, which I have to say is a pleasant and welcome surprise. Anyway, I wanted to ask you about the situation between Amy and me. I'm very puzzled about her intentions. I thought we were an excellent couple, an opinion confirmed by objective tests; but apparently she does not agree. Can you tell me what her problem is?"

"That's not for me to say, Sheldon. I think you two have to talk about it between yourselves. I know Amy is not willing to talk to you yet, but I think she will eventually. And when you two do talk, I think it's important for you to listen to what she has to say."

"OK," Sheldon said, "but this implies that she should listen to what I have to say, too. It's inappropriate for her to cut off communication and then expect to be the only one communicating."

"Well, you know what they say: all's fair in love and war. It's not about what's fair, it's about her feelings."

"What about my feelings?" Sheldon said, starting to get angry. "I have feelings, too!"

After making the obvious crack to herself, Penny said, out loud, "Of course you do. But sometimes you may not be that good at expressing them. It would probably help if Amy had more of an idea of what's going on inside you."

Sheldon sat, clearly thinking about something. "I wasn't going to do this," he said finally, "but I can't see any reason not to. When all this began I started writing down my thoughts in a log. I only did it for a couple of days, until you two came home. But I wonder if you can read it and tell me if this is the kind of information that might help Amy understand why she's making a big mistake?"

It was all Penny could do to keep from responding – it seemed Sheldon still was putting all of the blame on Amy – but she did want to see the log, and she did also want to help her friends. "I'd be happy to read it, sweetie. Where is it?"

The lanky physicist walked over to his desk, picked up his laptop and brought it over to Penny at the kitchen high-top. He opened a file and, wordlessly, put the laptop in front of Penny. She read:

 _Sunday_ _. Two days ago Amy Farrah Fowler (henceforth AFF) informed me that she felt she needed to take a break from our relationship. The following day, I received a text from Penny about an incident they had experienced on their way to Las Vegas. The text was vague, but it was easy to infer that Leonard had been seriously injured. Today I find myself in an unaccustomed emotional state. I am unable to focus on my work, as my mind wanders incessantly. This log is an attempt to arrive at an understanding of my state of mind: its causes, effects, and implications. I recognize that emotional insight is not my strong point – and if I did not, I certainly would know it, as AFF has pointed this out to me more times than I care to remember – however, I feel a need to arrive at a more complete comprehension of the situation._

 _The catalyst is clear: the three people closest to me have, in various ways, abandoned me. AFF's actions are the clearest type of abandonment. Indeed, I regard them as close to a betrayal. After years of encouraging me to be open about my feelings, she has suddenly decided to shut off all communication. This strikes me as completely unacceptable and, moreover, very unfair to me._

 _The situation with Leonard is different, of course. I do not really know what happened to him but it certainly does not appear to have been intentional, other than the obvious point that they could have planned their wedding more appropriately, and he could have taken better care of his car so that it would not have broken down, leaving them open to whatever attack later transpired. Leaving that aside, I do understand that Leonard and Penny's absence is not intentional. Nonetheless, the fact that they are not here is, I believe a part of my distress. Leonard has always been my principal confidant when it comes to issues that arise with Amy, and Penny has often served in something of a supporting role. I do respect their opinions about my social interactions, inasmuch as I have come to recognize that my views and behavior in this regard are in the tail of any population distribution._

 _With this in mind, I will analyze my emotional state with regard to recent events. Central to this is Amy's sudden and unexpected announcement that she was "taking a break," from our relationship – an ambiguous concept if ever there was one, but nonetheless one whose central meaning is quite clear._

 _In this regard, I find myself torn. For the past several years I had developed a what I thought was an internally consistent understanding of my relationship with AFF. We began as friends. Over time our social interactions revealed a commonality of interest and enthusiasms that suggested general compatibility. It became clear roughly three years ago that AFF was desirous of traditional forms of intimacy. My own views on this are undoubtedly affected by my psycho-emotional peculiarities, of which I am well aware. I do recognize that my general tendency to avoid physical contact is outside normal ranges, although I do not regard the tendency as pathological or even particularly troubling. However, I realize that for AFF this restricted the enjoyment of our relationship. As a result, I made an effort to overcome my reticence and engage in some form of physical intimacy. I did discover that kissing could be pleasurable._

 _An additional part of the general evolution of my understanding of pair-bonding relationships was a recognition of the almost undeniable existence of the elusive notion of romantic love. Although the psychological content of this concept remains unclear to me, it is impossible for me to deny that I have had feelings for Amy that could not otherwise be explained without recourse to the notion of love._

 _But this leads to another aspect of my reaction to the situation. In the context of a relationship that I felt it was based on mutual understanding, it is hard for me to see a legitimate reason for AFF to separate, even if this is only temporary. I do understand that she would like to see changes in aspects of my personality that stand in the way of her satisfaction, and that may impede her ability to realize certain desires – by which I mean not only carnal desires but other desires associated with an intimate relationship. However, over the years I had come to think and expect that she would be sensitive to my makeup, and to my own needs, and would be able to adapt her expectations accordingly._

 _This appears to have been a mistake. It is conceivable, of course, that upon reflection in this temporary break AFF will determine that the benefits of our relationship outweigh the costs. However, the mere fact that she needs to "take a break," presumably to reconsider the costs and benefits, is troubling to me. It is especially troubling that she appears not to have accounted accurately for the many positive features of our relationship, and for the great benefits she has realized from associating with me. I had always felt that she appreciated me and my contributions; now it appears that I may have been mistaken. As I consider the implications more fully – in particular, her apparent disregard for the assistance I have given her over the years – her behavior is beginning to anger me._

 _Monday_ _. I had a difficult conversation with Penny today by video-chat. She did not give me details of events in Barstow but it became clear over the course of the conversation that Leonard was much more seriously injured than I had thought. Apparently the injuries were life-threatening, although he is currently out of danger. I will admit that my conversation with Penny affected me more than I had anticipated. I was already emotionally distraught when we spoke – in fact I had not been able to update this diary all day, as I had been unable to concentrate on much other than attempting to deconstruct the meaning of AFF's words to me, and the appropriate reactions to them._

 _Penny was her usual emotional self. But there was a tone of seriousness to what she said to me that caught me off guard and that indicated to me, even before she said anything, that Leonard may have been close to death. The prospect of this disrupted my thinking further. I had never really contemplated the possibility that Leonard would not be available to me as friend and confidant. Indeed, the prospect of his moving across the hall was difficult for me to accept. Thinking about his death gave me great pause. I found the resulting interaction upsetting, involving a dramatic upheaval in previously predictable social relations._

 _I had resolved before our video chat that I would attempt to control my emotions, and to respond in a socially appropriate way to whatever Penny wanted to talk about. This was not easy. She began by telling me quite emphatically that she would be staying with Leonard to care for him. This of course was the sort of revelation that caused me distress last summer. However, as she said, the circumstances were extenuating. She did offer to have the two of them stay in her apartment, but I felt that it would be more appropriate to offer them the opportunity to stay in Leonard's. I also agreed to abide by a series of other demands that Penny made. I recognize that they were not unreasonable, if in fact his condition is as severe as she has led me to believe. Nonetheless, it was not easy for me to accede to these requests._

 _Towards the end of the conversation I became quite emotional. This was principally the continuation of my distress about the situation with AFF, but as I had not mentioned this to Penny I carried on as if it were about what had happened to the two of them – which was not entirely inaccurate. I do not think it appropriate for me to engage Leonard and Penny in conversations about my difficulties with AFF, at least until I have formulated a course of action on my own. However, this may be difficult, especially as in the past talking with Leonard and Penny has facilitated my understanding of the psycho-emotional issues at stake._

 _Monday evening. It is now midnight and I have been unable to sleep. I have played over in my mind a series of interactions between AFF and me, in an attempt to understand the source of her dissatisfaction. I do understand now that AFF construed my interruption of our fifth-anniversary kiss-fest with a question about The Flash television show as a lack of interest in and attention to her. It was certainly not intended as such: the issue was important to me, and I value her input. Nonetheless, the misunderstanding is now clear to me. I am having more trouble with other interactions that appear to have been cause for dissatisfaction, and I feel that Leonard and Penny will be able to provide insights that I cannot entirely capture._

 _I have in any event resolved that my relationship with AFF is important to me. This means that I should exert effort to attempt to keep the relationship active. However, this faces the apparent fact that part of AAF's concern is that she believes that I do not care sufficiently about our relationship. I need somehow to find a way to indicate to her that I do very much want us to be together._

 _However, I am also angered by AAF's treatment of me. She has behaved as if I were a common suitor, obligated to obey trivial norms of politesse and emotional massage. This is not in my nature, and I resent the implication that I should be forced to alter my very nature in order to satisfy another individual – especially one who, although intelligent, is clearly not at my intellectual level._

 _At the same time, it is hard for me to imagine my life without AFF in it. And I am coming to grips with the fact that this will require sacrifices on my part. The benefits of our relationship are great; the costs to me of making the compromises and concessions necessary to sustain it are also great, but I believe they are worth it._

 _I do not know how I can possibly address these issues if AFF refuses to speak to me. And her refusal to do so is definitely inappropriate and unfair. She seems intent on gaining advantage in our relationship, and this makes me extremely uncomfortable. It has always been clear who has been the intellectual leader between us, and I see no reason to alter this component of our relationship. If AFF would like to reconsider other aspects, I am open to that possibility. But to simply shut off communication is childish._

 _Tuesday_ _. Leonard is coming home today. I feel that I need to talk to him about the current turn of events. I understand from Penny that he has trouble speaking above a whisper, but that is not a major issue. I do think that he would be able to give me some insight into why AFF has reacted with such hostility to me. I do understand that I have done things to anger her, but I cannot imagine what might have provoked so extreme a reaction on her part. It seems likely, given past experience, that Leonard would have an idea._

Penny looked up from the laptop. This was as much emotion as Sheldon had demonstrated in the previous five years combined, and she wanted to tread carefully. "Sheldon, I'm so sorry this has been so difficult for you," Penny said. "And I'm really sorry that we weren't here to help you get through a tough time. But we're here now."

"Thanks. I know you couldn't help it, but it made things very hard for me. Especially with Amy being so unreasonable. So do you agree with my analysis?"

Penny hesitated. "Look, this is really between you two. It's not about who's right or wrong, it's about what works. I don't think Amy is being hostile, as you put it, just out of spite. I think she's unhappy about some things. And if you want the relationship to work, you'll have to try to figure out what will make her happier. You'll have to figure that out together – it's not something you can just decide on your own. Do you see that?"

Sheldon bristled. "But what about my happiness? What gives her the right to make decisions that affect both of us without any consideration of my perspective? Look at you: you're waiting on Leonard hand and foot. Why should Amy suddenly decide that she's too good to worry about my well-being?"

Penny had to force herself not to respond in kind to Sheldon's outburst. She knew he was upset, and angry – and, generally, clueless. She tried to be helpful. "I know you're angry, and that's all right. You can tell Amy how you feel. But you also have to pay attention to how she feels. Both of you are entitled to your feelings."

"Well, why is she entitled to refuse to talk to me? That's not right."

"She needs time, Sheldon, time to think. Try to respect that. In fact, try to respect the fact that Amy is a strong, smart, woman who wants to be happy. There's nothing wrong with that. I think what you want to be trying to figure out is how you can help her be happy, not how she can make you happy. A relationship has to involve give and take."

Sheldon was getting increasingly agitated, "I've done nothing but give, give, give for five years. And then she decides on her own that it's not enough. That's wrong. And I resent your taking her side."

Penny blanched. "Sheldon, I'm not on anyone's side. I want you both to be happy. And believe me, I really want you two to be happy _together_. I'm just trying to give you some insights into what Amy's thinking and feeling. I'm sorry if you feel that's unfair, but seriously, if you really want to work things out with her, you're going to have to accept that her feelings are just as legitimate as yours."

Sheldon was silent, but his eyes flashed defiance. Finally he took back his laptop and walked over to his desk. He turned to Penny. "I appreciate your giving me the female point of view. It helps me round out my analysis. I have to go to work now. I'll see you this evening. I'm going to the comic book store but I thought I'd at least have dinner here, if you don't mind."

"Of course not, Sheldon. You don't have to ask; this is your apartment." Penny was startled by the bitterness of his tone.

"Oh, that's right, isn't it? See you for dinner." And he walked out the door.

Penny sank into the armchair, feeling defeated. She had tried to have a serious conversation with Sheldon, but it had just seemed to infuriate him. She needed to talk to Leonard about it, but he probably wouldn't be up for another couple of hours. In the meantime, she brought up the online text of _Jane Eyre_ and began to read.

Over lunch, she told Leonard about her conversation with Sheldon. The situation was worrisome. At some level, it seemed, Sheldon was in over his head: facing relationship demands that he might not be capable of meeting. But they knew he really cared about Amy, and didn't want to lose her.

"His pride is probably the main obstacle here," Leonard mused. "He just can't bring himself to admit that she might be right about something so central to their relationship. The question is, how can we help him see that he needs to compromise more than he has been, without his feeling like we're attacking him?"

"Based on my experience this morning," Penny sighed, "it won't be easy. Maybe you can try talking to him this evening? He's coming home for dinner before going to the comic book store."

That afternoon Penny was in the living room reading, and enjoying, the beginning of _Jane Eyre_ , when Leonard stumbled in, looking very shaky. "What are you doing up?" Penny demanded, slightly irritated. "You know you're not supposed to get out of bed by yourself." He had fallen once, and the doctor had given strict orders.

Leonard simply stood in the hallway and Penny immediately saw the now-familiar look of terror in his eyes. He had had another one of his daytime nightmares. She rushed to him. "I'm so sorry, honey. Did you have another nightmare?" She put her arms around him and led him to the armchair. "You're safe now. I'm sorry I yelled at you. Do you want to tell me about it?"

His hands were still shaking, she noticed as she held them. He shook his head a little. "Just a bad memory. This time I was looking everywhere but you weren't there. I could hear you calling for help but I couldn't find you," he murmured. "I'm sorry I got out of bed, but I had to find you."

"That's all right, I'm here now." Penny was starting to worry about these nightmares. This was now the fourth, and they did not seem to be fading in intensity. She was glad they were seeing the doctor the next day, so she could ask for advice. For now, she knew only that she wanted to bring Leonard back to a happier place. She hugged him close and kissed him softly.

After a few minutes his heartbeat was back to normal, so she reminded him of their conversation last night. "Honey, do you remember what we talked about last night? About getting married, and starting a family?"

"Sure," Leonard answered with a smile.

"It made me so happy to think about this morning. Not just because it's, you know, exciting, but because I really feel like we're so on the same page now. You know?" She asked, somewhat tentatively. In truth, she felt the need to confirm her feelings.

Leonard nodded with great certainty. "I do. I feel like we are really taking a big step forward, and we're really ready for it." He paused. "That raises an issue we've sort of been avoiding. What do we do about living arrangements? About Sheldon?"

Penny exhaled slowly. "I know. And he's so confused and stressed out right now. I can't imagine having a reasonable conversation about it until things are worked out with Amy. So maybe we just have to wait to talk to him. But we can still think about our own plans, can't we?"

Leonard was silent. "I'm a little tired of working so hard to adapt to Sheldon. It's been really great this past week to have _our_ needs come first. Of course, that won't last, but it gives me a taste of how life could be. I mean, we're adults now, not graduate students, and I think it might be time to insist to Sheldon that he act like an adult, too."

"Whoa, that's moving pretty fast. He _is_ your best friend, after all. And he's going through some hard times. So be nice. He's going to want to talk to you about Amy, and he really needs your advice."

Leonard sighed. "All right. But somehow it seems ridiculous that after what we've been through, we have to walk on eggshells around Sheldon."

They sat quietly for a few more moments, after which Leonard recommenced, more brightly, "I want to ask Dr. Sussman tomorrow if I can go out soon. I'm getting a little stir-crazy. You must be, too! Don't you want to go out and do something? I'll be fine alone. Or if you worry, I'm sure Howard or Raj would be willing to baby-sit me. You need to go do something fun, Penny. I worry about you being cooped up here with a boring invalid."

Penny looked at him and smiled. "I know you do. But this has been one of the nicest weeks of my life – I mean, leaving aside changing bandages and things like that. No work, just talking to you and reading. I'm happy here."

"All right, all right. But your parents are coming Saturday, and you _have_ to show them the town. You mom's never been to LA. So you have no choice. For at least one day you're going to need to find me a baby sitter. How about Sunday? Howard and Raj don't have to work, they could stand guard or whatever it is you think needs to be done when I'm here alone."

"I'll admit that makes sense. I'll talk to Howard. I would like my parents to see a little of LA, although they keep telling me that the only reason they're coming is to see us and help out."

She led Leonard back to the bedroom and they discussed more of their plans for Penny's parents' visit before Leonard starting nodding off. He was still only good for a couple of hours at a time before he got tired. Penny went back to reading her book, but this time by Leonard's bed. She didn't want to risk his waking up from another nightmare alone.

A few hours later, Penny heard Sheldon come into the apartment. Leonard had just woken up, so she warned him and then went out to the living room and announced that she was going to make him spaghetti with little hot dogs cut up into it – his comfort food. Sheldon was surprisingly unexcited. Penny nonetheless followed up on the plan she and Leonard had worked out: "Hey, can you do me a favor? Leonard's been lonely all day. Could you talk to him?"

"Hey, buddy!" Leonard said enthusiastically as Sheldon entered his bedroom. "It's been so long since we've had a chance to talk more than a few minutes. How are you doing?"

"Fine," Sheldon said, unconvincingly. "Actually, not so fine. I'm spending a lot of time thinking about this situation with Amy. It's distracting me from my work, and it bothers me."

"I can understand that. It must have been a shock when she told you she wanted to take a break, right?" Sheldon nodded. "What do you think brought that on?"

"I know the proximate cause – it was that incident about the Flash TV show, you know the one we talked about before you two went off to get married. But that hardly seems like enough to warrant this kind of hostility."

Leonard waited to see if Sheldon was going to take his thoughts any further, but his friend was quiet. "Umm…do you have any ideas about why she might feel the way she does?"

"How should I know?" Sheldon said with irritation. "She's refusing to talk to me."

"What about before that? Were there things you think she was unhappy about in your relationship?"

"No! Well, apart from the obvious, her obsession with physical intimacy. But I thought we'd reached agreement on that, about going slowly. Other than that, I thought things were fine."

"Do you think she maybe wanted to move faster, not just on physical intimacy but on other aspects? Like maybe spending more time together?"

"She never mentioned it," Sheldon said, again sounding irritated. "And she knows full well that any complaints can and should be raised in the appropriate venue. We had just had an annual review, and there wasn't anything serious that I could see."

Leonard wasn't sure where to go from here. Sheldon appeared totally baffled, and Leonard didn't want to be the one to force him to confront the fact that Amy clearly wanted more romance, more attention…just, more. But Leonard couldn't figure out how to get his friend to a more constructive place without a little prompting.

He tried again. "I know that when Penny's been unhappy with me, it's usually because she feels I'm not taking her feelings into account. Can you think of anything that Amy might have been feeling that might have benefited from more of your attention?"

Sheldon snapped, "Amy's not Penny. If she has feelings, she should tell me about them. I'm not a mind-reader. Maybe Penny can talk to Amy and find out what is really going on. Since Amy refuses to talk to me, I don't know what else I can do."

Leonard resigned himself to failure. "That could be a good plan. I'm sorry I can't help more, Sheldon. I wish I could. You know, I just want you to be happy and I really am sorry to see you unhappy."

Sheldon looked sharply at Leonard, once again. "I'm not unhappy. My happiness doesn't depend on anyone else, certainly not Amy. I'm just trying to understand where she and I stand."

"Oh, OK. I'm glad to hear that." Leonard gave up. "But anytime you want to talk, I want you to know that I'm here. Actually, I don't have much choice these days – I'm always here." No reaction. Sigh, again. "Come see me anytime, Sheldon. I miss talking to you."

"Penny's making me spaghetti with little hot dogs cut up into it. I should go eat." And Sheldon got up and left the room, leaving Leonard shaking his head.

Later that evening, as they prepared for bed, Leonard reported on his conversation and asked Penny about dinner. "He didn't say a word. And he looked angry. Barely thanked me for dinner and then went out with Raj to the comic book store. I didn't see even see him when he got home; I think he's been locked in his room. What a mess."

"I know," Leonard shook his head sadly. "But there's little enough we can do. How about our little talk? And something that's not about Sheldon, please…."

"OK, then. Let's talk. Leonard Hofstadter, where do you see us in ten years' time?"

"Still thinking about last night's conversation, huh? All right, let's do this. I see us in a small house in Altadena. And two kids, a boy and a girl. And you're making your next movie but it's here in LA because your contract specifies that you can't be away from your family for more than a week at a time. And I have tenure at Caltech and lasers are just so 2015, so I'm working on something that hasn't been invented yet. And I get home from work first but the kids are already home with the baby-sitter, and I read the boy's homework and look at the girl's drawings and figure out what to make for dinner because you promised to be home by 7. How does that sound?"

Penny was smiling broadly. "You've got it all worked out, don't you? It sounds like something out of the 1950s. But it does sound wonderful. I'll have to remember to put that clause in my contracts. Just one thing," her eyes narrowed, "who's this baby sitter?"

"Oh," Leonard hastened to clarify, "she's a 63 year old Ukrainian woman who's wonderful with the kids and brings us lots of home-cooked food."

"Quick thinking, mister. Anyway, I do love the way you think. And I do love you."

"Me too. But I think we have to start practicing to produce those two kids, don't you?"

"Ha! Any more practice and I think we'd be perfect, and who'd want that? But you drive a hard bargain."

"So to speak," Leonard replied with a wicked grin as Penny turned off the light.


	2. Chapter 2

"You look so much better, Leonard," exclaimed Dr. Sussman as he walked into the examination room. "How do you feel?"

"I feel really pretty good, all things considered."

"And your voice certainly sounds stronger." He examined Leonard's bruises, looked carefully at his throat, took off the splint on his finger.

"You're healing very well, Leonard. Seriously, we couldn't ask for more encouraging progress. I think Penny has magical healing powers," the doctor said, smiling at the young couple.

"Definitely," Leonard grinned. "But, Doctor Sussman, I wanted to ask when I could get off this full bed rest regime and go out? It's getting a little claustrophobic in the apartment."

"I can understand that. How much are you sleeping now?"

"Oh, probably 10 or 12 hours a day," Leonard responded.

Penny shook her head sternly. "More like 16."

"All right," the doctor said. "That's your body saying you need more time. So I'm afraid I'm going to insist you stay on complete bed rest for at least another week. We can reconsider when I see you next week. Anyway, for now let me have Lourdes give you a full workover and I'll talk to you afterwards." He left the room to the nurse and the couple.

A moment later the receptionist knocked and entered, and asked Penny to come to the front desk to deal with some insurance details, as Lourdes took Leonard's vitals. Penny stepped out to find Dr. Sussman waiting for her in the hall, motioning to her silently.

"That was just a ruse for me to be able to talk to you alone. Come down to my office," he said.

They sat and he looked over Leonard's file. "He's doing great physically. But I'm worried about his state of mind after a trauma like what he's suffered. In fact, I did a little research – this sort of thing is not my specialty – and almost everything in the literature says that strangulation is one of the most traumatic forms of violence. So how would you assess his emotional state?"

"I really wanted to talk to you about that, too, doctor. He's in very good spirits, and we're getting along fantastically. But he keeps having these really terrifying nightmares. Only during the daytime, though, for some reason. I'm worried about them. They're not going away, and they're not getting any better."

"That's certainly to be expected, but it's definitely something that needs attention. And," he said gently, "this applies to you, too. You experienced a terrible trauma, both with the attack on you and with what happened to Leonard. Have you been having any of these sorts of nightmares?"

"No," said Penny, but she squirmed a little. "I do worry a lot. A lot more than I used to. And sometimes I wake up at night and I get scared that Leonard isn't there and I have to make sure he's all right."

"That's completely normal. More than normal, it would be surprising if you weren't affected. But I really think both of you need to talk to a professional to help you through this time, even if it's only for now. I consulted with a colleague and put together a list of therapists who are in-network, and who have experience with post-traumatic stress." He handed her a sheet with a half-dozen names on it. "I want you to start on this. I'm not sure whether it makes the most sense for the two of you to see somebody together, or to see the same person but separately, or to see different people – maybe you can talk to someone on the list about that. But you should definitely try to find somebody that you are comfortable with, and start as soon as you can. And once Leonard's able to get around, I want him to start seeing somebody. It's really important, Penny. He's healing physically, but the emotional healing is just as important. For both of you. OK?"

Penny nodded.

Dr. Sussman looked at her intently. "I'm serious. You have to promise me you'll do this. The psychological part is probably the most important thing now. I want to know about what you've done by next week. I'm not trying to be mean, and I wouldn't mention this to Leonard yet, but it really is important."

"I understand," Penny said meekly.

"OK," said the doctor, less sternly now. "You two are really doing great, all things considered. And I'm sure you'll be fine. But you have to be careful, and be conscious of all the issues that might arise."

"Do you think I should try to get Leonard to talk with me about what happened?" Penny asked.

"I wouldn't force the issue. That is, don't ask him to talk about it. But if he wants to, by all means, listen. It needs to be voluntary. He'll know what he can take. If he feels it is too much, he won't try to talk about it. So let him take the lead."

"I'm sure you two will get through this fine. You're both very strong people, and your relationship is clearly very close. And you're doing a wonderful job, Penny, truly wonderful. Just be sure to take care of yourself, too. OK?"

Penny nodded.

"And now let's get back to Leonard. You go in first; I'll be there in a couple of minutes."

On the way back home, Leonard groaned, "Another week in that apartment. I guess the only saving grace is that your parents will be there. I'm really excited to meet your mother, and I can't wait to see your father again. You know, the last time I saw him was when you pulled that stunt pretending we were still together. And you know what the last thing he said to me was?"

"No, what?"

"He said, 'Don't give up on her.' And guess what: I didn't, and I finally wore her down."

"I know," Penny mock-sighed, "I just figured it was easier to give in. But I guess it all worked out."

Her phone rang just as they walked into the apartment. It was Howard, asking if he could come over then. It seemed strange to both of them, during work hours, but he was insistent.

Thirty minutes later Howard knocked. Leonard was already back in bed, resting but not asleep. He was as curious as Penny about what was up. As Howard and Penny walked back toward the bedroom, Penny asked Howard if he could stay with Leonard Sunday so she could take her parents around. Howard was happy to do it; he suggested bringing Bernadette or Raj along to keep them company as well.

Once in the room, Howard got more serious. "I'm worried about Sheldon. He's been acting very strange – I mean strange, even for him. He's really angry at everyone. I think he blames us all for Amy wanting a break. He's saying some pretty awful things about her. But more than that, sometimes he doesn't seem quite all there. His conversations wander and sometimes he doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I think we all know what's going on with him, but what can we do?"

Penny and Leonard looked at each other. Penny was first to speak: "Frankly, I think we're at a loss, too. Both of us have tried to talk to him, but he just got angry at us both. I know he's suffering – he showed me a kind of diary he had written, and it was really pretty disturbing. But he just doesn't seem able to let anybody help him."

Leonard repeated what he had told Penny: "His pride is his worst enemy. I don't know if he can move forward unless he admits that he made some pretty serious mistakes, and we all know how hard it is for Sheldon to admit mistakes. Howard, I have to say that I don't have any good ideas. Maybe the only thing we can do is let some more time go by. Maybe that will give him some distance."

They talked some more, without concluding much other than that they had to make it clear to Sheldon that they were willing to be supportive. Howard left, and Leonard went down for the afternoon as Penny straightened up and started planning for her parents' visit. She realized that they hadn't mentioned it to Sheldon, and recognized with regret that he would not be happy. She resolved to tell him that evening.

Sheldon came home and Penny ordered takeout for the two of them – Leonard had eaten earlier, before going down for another nap. Over dinner she told Sheldon about her parents' visit. Sheldon was visibly unhappy about it, but Penny assured him that they were staying in a hotel and would not be around much. He finished his dinner and once more disappeared into his bedroom.

After cleaning up, Penny joined Leonard in their bedroom, shaking her head.

"Bad interaction with Sheldon again. He really didn't react well to my telling him about my parents. But what can we do?"

"Nothing, Penny. We just have to deal with it as best we can."

Leonard was still very tired from the trip to the doctor, and they got ready for bed.

"Let's talk," Penny began another of her Momentum Conversations. The topic suggested itself. "Leonard Hofstadter, how are you feeling about Sheldon?"

Leonard sighed deeply. "I'm very torn. On the one hand, I feel really sorry for him. He seemed to be getting along so well with Amy, and really making progress toward being more normal – terrible thing to say, but it's how I see it. He's brilliant, he's always been brilliant, he'll always be brilliant. But I don't think he will be a whole person if he doesn't get past some of his problems. And Amy was helping with that. A lot, I think. So I know he's suffering."

"So what's the other hand?" Penny asked.

"He's just getting more difficult. It all seems to be going backwards; he seems to be regressing. The way he's responding reminds me of some of the worst times early on, years ago. The intolerance, the inability to see anybody else's point of view. I could take it ten years ago, maybe even a few years ago, but I'm not sure I can put up with much of it any more. We've all matured, and I thought Sheldon had too – but this past week I'm not so sure. And I don't know if I can go back to the Sheldon of eight or ten years ago."

They were both silent. Penny pursed her lips. "It's so tough. And it's like you say. It's terrible to see him suffer, but he makes it hard to be on his side. Plus for me it's doubly hard: I really like Amy and I know exactly where she's coming from. But I can't tell Sheldon that or he'd probably never speak to me again. So I feel helpless."

"Helpless is exactly right. I guess it's like we were saying with Howard: maybe all we can do is give him time, and space, and hope he can figure at least some of it out on his own."

Penny nodded. "Plus I think I may be able to push things a little from the Amy end. She already said she was willing to talk to him, and at least with me one of Sheldon's biggest beefs was that she wouldn't talk. So maybe when they start talking again he'll calm down. But he'll really have to watch himself: she's got a short fuse now."

Leonard agreed. "She has good reasons. But I think she was happy with Sheldon a lot of the time. I hope they work it out. For their sake. And, I have to admit, a little bit for ours. If they were happy, and together, it might make it easier for us to move ahead with our own plans."

She smiled. "That would be nice. And now, time to sleep."


	3. Chapter 3

Relations with Sheldon went from bad to worse. He was barely speaking to either of them, and Friday after work he knocked on the bedroom door and asked to speak to Leonard alone. Once Penny left, Sheldon addressed himself to Leonard with a manner that Leonard could only think of as "imperious."

"Leonard, I realize that you are still recuperating. But once you're better we will need to go back to the traditional roommate arrangement, as amended. That means that Penny can stay here one night a week at most. And you can stay at her place one night a week. Agreed?"

Leonard was not surprised at Sheldon's attitude, but he didn't want to provoke things further. So he simply asked, "I understand what you'd like to see happen. Can I ask why you feel so strongly about this?"

Sheldon glared at him. "I don't like having her around all the time. And I think she's a bad influence on you. You're taking Amy's side against me, just like Penny. I thought you were my friend, but with Penny underfoot all the time I feel like the two of you are a team, and you're ganging up on me."

Leonard thought to himself, yes, we are a team. If only Sheldon could understand what this means, and think about how it might apply to him and Amy. But he knew his friend was not ready for that.

"And there's another thing," Sheldon continued. "Nobody told me her parents would be here for a week. I don't see why I should have to put up with even more people traipsing in and out just because you're an invalid. I don't want them in the apartment."

This was too much for Leonard. "Sheldon, I know you're upset and angry. And we'll try to be sensitive to your situation. But you are not being reasonable. I have just as much right to this apartment as you do. Penny's parents will be staying at a hotel, but they're going to be here to visit me, especially since I can't leave the apartment yet." He could feel himself getting angrier, and tried to control himself. But he had to continue: "And as for Penny and I being together less, well, I'm sorry, but I don't think we are going to go back to the way things were before. Penny and I are getting married very soon, and we have gotten used to spending a lot of time with each other. I'm not sure what is going to happen, but I'm pretty sure there will be changes. I was hoping that we could all work together to make the transition as easy as possible for everyone. Can't you at least try to do that? Let's make an effort to be reasonable about things."

Sheldon stared at Leonard with a mix of shock and anger. "Reasonable? I'm not being reasonable? You're the problem here, you and Penny. You'd better think about this before you do something you'll regret!" And he slammed the door behind him.

Penny came in a few minutes later. "Oh, boy. He's in his bedroom and I don't think I've ever seen him angrier. What happened?"

Leonard looked at her sadly. "He pretty much said he wanted you out of the apartment, that you were a bad influence, that he didn't want your parents here. I tried to at least keep some conversation going, but I think it's hopeless. Unless he calms down, Penny, I think we need to start looking for a new place very soon."

Penny nodded. These developments were surprising and upsetting at one level; but at another level, they were an indication that the two of them had moved forward from where they had been a few months ago. If Sheldon was unable to deal with it, the results would be sad, but perhaps inevitable. Yet their friendship with Sheldon was important, especially to Leonard, and it was worth making a real effort to see if it could be salvaged. "I'm supposed to talk to Amy sometime this week. Let me see if I can at least get things squared away with her. And I think what we said before still holds: we have to give him time and hope he calms down."

But the next morning, Sheldon was gone. He had left a note on the kitchen table: " _Back Friday_." Penny checked Leonard's email and found a longer message: " _As you know, I have a standing invitation from Fermilab to visit for several days. I have decided to take advantage of this invitation so that I am no longer a hindrance to you and Penny. I plan to return this Friday_."

Once Leonard was awake, Penny brought him the note and the laptop. Leonard was reflective. "You know, it may be for the best. We can have a relaxing time with your parents; he can try to cool off. Maybe doing what he does best – physics – will be good for him. Besides, I don't know what else we can do. At least he didn't just run away on a train, or back to his mother. "

But it did create a problem: Penny had counted on Sheldon being home with Leonard while she went to pick up her parents at LAX. She quickly called Raj and asked for a big favor; Raj was happy to come over for a few hours.

While Raj settled in to spend time with Leonard, Penny checked on her parents' flight and left for the airport. Several hours later, she arrived back at the apartment, her mother and father in tow.

Raj heard the door open and walked out. After being introduced, he told Penny, "Leonard's very tired, but he's been desperately trying to stay awake to say hello to your parents. I think he'd be disappointed if you didn't at least go in so he can meet them." Penny thanked him as Raj departed.

"Leonard," Penny said softly, knocking lightly on the door, "are you still awake?"

Her fiancé lifted his head groggily and then sat up in bed. "Absolutely! Are they here?"

Penny's mother and father followed their daughter into the room. "You know my father, and this is my mother," she said. "Mom, Dad, I know you want to visit with Leonard, but he really needs his rest. For now, please let's just say hello."

"All right," Wyatt said gently, "but there is one thing I have to do." He walked over the Leonard and hugged him as tightly as he dared, then sat back on the bed and looked him in the eye. "Son, I want to thank you for everything you've done for our daughter. We're eternally grateful, and so proud of you. We couldn't ask for a more wonderful son-in-law. And I'm so glad you didn't give up on her." He un-self-consciously wiped away a little tear and stood up. Penny's mother was more unabashedly weepy.

Leonard responded shyly, "Thank you, sir. And it's a great pleasure to meet you, ma'am," he said to Penny's mother.

"And now," her father said more sternly, "I think my daughter will beat the daylights out of both of us if we don't let you sleep. We'll see you later, son."

For the rest of the afternoon the three caught up on family and friends. Penny told them a little about the events in Barstow, without too much detail. She did admit to them, for the first time, that the reason they had ended up there was that they had decided to get married in Las Vegas, on the spur of the moment. They were shocked, but let it pass, given all that had happened to the couple since then. Penny explained the details of her new job, and proudly told them how much she was making. And she mentioned that there might even be some acting possibilities in the works. Eventually the two women made dinner, and once Leonard was awake they set things up so the four of them could eat in the bedroom. The four chatted through dinner and for long afterwards: about Leonard's work, his background, his family. Leonard quizzed them about Penny's childhood, much to her dismay, and was able to gather a host of embarrassing stories that could be used against her at some future date. All in all, a delightful evening.

Penny drove her parents back to their hotel, and came back to the bedroom. Leonard was bright-eyed, but clearly ready to sleep.

"Let's talk," and Penny knew what Leonard wanted the topic to be. "Leonard Hofstadter, what do you think of my parents?"

"They're so wonderful, Penny. I feel like I've known them forever. They're warm and friendly, and loving, and just so nice. You're so lucky. I'm so lucky! It's like I have real parents now, you know; my parents were, well, you know…."

Penny bit her lip and Leonard recognized the telltale sign that something was upsetting her. "What's the matter? Did I say something wrong?"

"Of course not. I just don't understand."

"Understand what? You've got great parents, isn't that a good thing?"

"No, no, it's not that," Penny said. She looked at him sadly. "I just don't understand how parents can mistreat a child. The way your parents mistreated you. What did you ever do to deserve it? How can a mother and father be so mean to a defenseless child?"

Leonard exhaled heavily. "Well, to be fair, my father wasn't mean. He just wasn't strong enough to go up against my mother. And I don't think my mother was purposely mean. She was just…well, you know, she was a lot like Sheldon. She had trouble thinking about anyone but herself. I don't think she has the gene for empathy. Again, like Sheldon."

Penny nodded. "Maybe that's why you tolerate him? Most people wouldn't, you know."

"I guess. Maybe I want to try to help him be different from my mother. Up until recently I thought that was possible, but now I'm not so sure. Maybe if you're born without the gene for empathy, nothing can be done. I think my mother is beyond repair. That's why I don't want her at our wedding. But I still have some hope for Sheldon."

"I sure hope you're right," Penny said, "for his sake and for all of ours."

"But let's end on a happy note," Leonard said. "I love your parents. I love that they'll be my mother- and father-in-law."

"And they love you, too," Penny smiled.

* * *

Penny spent all day Sunday with her parents: Hollywood, the Farmer's Market, the Tar Pits, Venice Beach. They were awestruck with the scale of the city, and with the volume of traffic.

Stopping for coffee and snacks at a restaurant on the walk at Venice Beach, Penny's parents dropped a few hints, trying to get more information about this potential wedding. "So," Wyatt said, "you were going to get married in Las Vegas? No first dance for me, then?"

Penny laughed. "Don't worry, Daddy, after everything that happened we decided to have a small wedding here in Los Angeles. Just family and friends. So yes, first dance. Knowing you, I think I'd better wear boots."

Both parents looked relieved. "Darling," her father said, "we'd like to pay for it, if that's all right with you and Leonard. We're doing fine now, and we figure it's the least we can do – we see you so rarely. I don't know if your brother and sister will be able to make it, but if they can, we'd pay for them too."

"That's really nice, guys. It will be small so I don't think it will be too expensive." She debated whether she should mention this, then decided it had to come out eventually. "Leonard doesn't want to invite his mother, and his father is in Africa, so it will just be his brother and sister. And our friends here in LA."

They nodded. Wyatt said, "Is Leonard's relationship with his mother really that bad? Is _she_ really that bad?"

Penny's face hardened. "Yes. And yes. She was terrible to Leonard as a child – always putting him down, doing experiments on him, really treating more like a pet than like a son. And she continues to treat him like that even today – no respect, no understanding, no love. And the last straw for Leonard, I think, was that a few years ago she purposely tried to cause a terrible fight between him and his younger brother, Michael, who had always been close. The worst thing was that she succeeded, and they didn't speak to each other for five years – all because of her manipulations. Now they've reconciled and are fine, but she's really a terrible person. If I never see her again in my life it will be too soon."

Her parents were taken aback by the vehemence of Penny's views. Her mother suggested, gently, "You know, everybody has reasons for the way they act. Maybe she was unhappy herself."

"No excuses, no excuses, Mom. There's no excuse for torturing a child. Not in my book," Penny said, ever more firmly.

Wyatt moved to change the subject quickly. "Where do you think you two will live?"

Penny sighed deeply. "Oh, that's such a problem. Not because of me or Leonard, but because of his crazy roommate Sheldon. You haven't seen him this time, Dad, because he was so angry at us that he left town. He's bizarre even in the best of times, but now he and his girlfriend are having trouble so he's doubly bizarre. Angry, and hostile, and just weird."

Wyatt was stuck on an earlier statement. "He has a girlfriend?" he asked incredulously. "That's the tall guy from Texas who can only sit in one place?"

Penny laughed, "Yes, a girlfriend. Maybe. She asked for some time off because it's been hard for her, as you can understand. Mom, you'll get it once you meet him. He's actually a very sweet man, who wouldn't hurt a fly on purpose, but he's – well, he redefines quirky. And one of the problems that Leonard and I have to deal with is that the last time we talked about Leonard moving in with me, he freaked out and ran away from home."

"Ran away from home?" her mother asked. "How old is he?"

Penny laughed again. "He's our age. But emotionally he's probably about 12. Yeah, he got on a train and travelled around the country. Anyway, the point is that he doesn't like change. He has accepted my staying with Leonard now that he's injured, but he's making a big stink about it. I think if we told him we were moving in together he'd go ballistic. And a physicist going ballistic can be dangerous."

"But is that your plan, to live in your apartment? Isn't it sort of small?" her father asked.

"Don't tell anyone, but no. Like I said, I'm making a lot of money in my new job and we're thinking of getting a bigger place somewhere else." She debated whether to mention the part about starting a family, but decided it might be bad luck to talk about it before it actually happened. "I can't even imagine what Sheldon will do if he finds out we're planning to move away. Our main hope is that he patches things up with Amy, so he has that relationship to rely on instead of us. It's weird, it's almost like we have a child to worry about already."

"Already?" her mother said. Damn, she's quick, Penny thought. There goes my attempt to not mention children.

"OK, OK, Mom. Yes, we've talked about starting a family. Eventually! No pressure, remember?"

"Of course, dear. We just wouldn't want to find out that you drove to Las Vegas to have a baby without telling us."

And they all laughed.

* * *

Howard and Bernadette spent the day at the apartment, keeping Leonard company. They alternated between conversations, lunch, a couple of card games, and forcing Leonard to take naps on a regular basis. That evening, all six of them had Thai takeout – the first Thai ever for the Nebraskans – in the living room. Leonard had a few bites of the Pad Thai, but mostly had soup. After a while, everyone headed back to their respective beds for the night.

Dinner had given Penny an idea for the bedtime conversation – a question she'd asked herself many times.

"Let's talk. Leonard Hofstadter, what do you think makes Howard and Bernadette's marriage work?"

"Wow, that's a big one. Actually, I thought about it a little today because I spent the whole day with them. I think that may be the most time I've spent with the two of them by myself, I mean without you there. It was different."

"So what did you think?"

"What I noticed," Leonard said pensively, "was that they recognized each other's strengths."

"Meaning?"

"So when we were talking about Sheldon and how angry he got, Bernadette knew that Howard had the clearest ideas about what was going on with him. But when we moved on to Amy's behavior, Howard deferred to Bernadette. And then Bernadette was the enforcer, getting me to rest when I needed to; but Howard was the one who would suggest things to do that I would enjoy. It was like a relay race where everyone had strengths and weaknesses. It reminded me of something Sheldon said, only he said it as an insult."

"What was that?"

"It was when he was complaining about your being here too much. He said he didn't like it because we were a team – ganging up on him, I think he said. But the team idea did strike me. And I thought about it again with Howard and Bernadette. They're both sort of unusual, in their own ways."

"I'll say!" Penny exclaimed. "Don't forget, I knew Howard when he was the creepiest human being this side of Transylvania. And I work with Bernadette – she has the whole office terrified."

Leonard laughed. "And yet somehow they get things done together. She doesn't terrorize him, and he doesn't creep her out, and they make a pretty effective team. I want us to be like that – I don't mean to be like them, God forbid, but to be an effective team."

"I want that too. And I think we do a pretty good job already, don't you?"

"I do," Leonard said. "Slugger."

And so to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Penny had warned her parents that she was committed to staying with Leonard for the rest of their stay. They understood, and planned to see some of the sights on their own. Monday morning they went to Universal Studios, arranging to come by the apartment later in the afternoon to say hello and have dinner, "if the kids are up to it," as Wyatt said.

The morning was quiet, as usual. When Leonard woke up, Penny engaged him in a discussion about _Jane Eyre_ – another book he thought he had read in college but had no recollection of.

"She has a very strong idea of what's right and what's wrong. Somehow I'm not sure people have such strong ideas of right and wrong these days. I know I don't. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"How do you mean?"

"I think today we figure that if it doesn't hurt somebody it's all right. But she has this strict moral code. And it helped her survive a lot of terrible experiences, and it all worked out in the end. But I'm not convinced having a strict moral code is a good thing."

Leonard wondered, "Don't we all have moral ideas we live by?"

"Yes, but I think today we're more flexible. That's good. So maybe the point is that you can have morality without being rigid. I guess I think that's the goal: be true to whatever your moral code is without letting it force you into a box."

Leonard smiled. "That's a pretty heavy dose of moral philosophy for somebody who used to brag about being a party girl."

"That's mean," Penny pouted. "Who says a girl can't like to party, and to think?"

"Not I," Leonard hastened to answer. "And you do both _so well_."

"Flattery, flattery."

But later that afternoon Leonard had yet another of his nightmares. Penny was in the room, reading _Jane Eyre_ at the time, so she was able to shake him awake quickly. But she was getting ever more worried about the continued day terrors. And Leonard seemed concerned, too. Once she had calmed him down and they had held each other quietly in bed for a good half hour, Leonard held her hand and looked at her.

"Penny, when do you think we can talk about what happened in Barstow?"

Penny shuddered, but she remembered what Dr. Sussman had said. If Leonard was willing to talk, let him: he knew what he could take.

There was a long pause. "Do you think you're ready for that?" Penny asked finally.

Leonard nodded. "I think so. I don't want to talk to journalists, or to those writers your agent was dealing with, at least not yet. But if it's you and me, I think I can handle it. Because I've been wondering a lot of things about what happened to you, and in fact what happened to me. The last thing I remember is Thompson strangling me. Then I woke up in the hospital. I don't actually know anything about what went on in between, and I sort of want to know. And I _really_ want to know how you knocked him out with a baseball bat!"

"I'm willing if you're sure it's the right time," she said. "But I want to be sure that we'll be comfortable, and feel safe. I don't want talking about it to make your nightmares worse."

Leonard looked at her closely "I had a thought about that. You'll probably say it's crazy, but hear me out. How about we go over what happened with your parents? I feel safe with your parents. They're so warm and accepting. And I know they're worried about us. It would make me feel good to be able to talk to them. And maybe with them present it would give us some support."

Penny was wide-eyed. "Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure. Yeah. Very sure. And maybe if we can talk about it, the nightmares will start to go away. I think never mentioning what happened probably makes things worse, not better."

"OK," Penny said. "Did you want to try today?"

"Why not?" Leonard shrugged.

Her parents called from the hotel around 3 PM. They had loved Universal Studios and wanted to see if it was all right to drop by to see them and for dinner. Penny told them it was fine, and to take a taxi over; but she warned them there was something the two of them wanted to talk about.

When her parents arrived, Penny helped them bring a couple of chairs into the bedroom. Leonard sat up in bed, with Penny next to him. She began.

"Mom and Dad," Penny said, "Leonard and I decided that we'd like you to know what happened to us in Barstow. We've never really talked about it between ourselves, so it might be a little hard. But we felt that with you here, there would be some support for us. Plus I'm sure you'd like to know more. Are you all right with that?

Her parents nodded, both in surprise and in agreement. "Are you sure you're both ready for this? And with strangers?" Penny's father asked Leonard.

"I'm ready," he answered. "And you're not strangers, you're family, and I feel very comfortable with you."

Penny nodded assent and said to Leonard, "I think you should go first."

Leonard paused, then started. "First of all, I want to tell you a couple of things that happened before we got to Barstow."

Penny looked startled. "Are you sure? We can just start in Barstow."

"I'm sure. They deserve to know. The fact is that we were on the freeway headed to Las Vegas because we had decided to get married. I know it sounds a little crazy, but we couldn't see any reason to delay."

Penny's parents looked at each other, and Penny said, a bit embarrassed, "Actually, Leonard, I already told them that. Sorry, I should have cleared it with you."

"Not a problem," Leonard said, "there's no reason for them not to know. Anyway, on the ride, I told Penny –"

Penny broke in, resting her hand on Leonard's. "Baby, you don't need to go there. It's over and done, it's in the past. It will just upset you."

"I want to tell them, they deserve to know. Especially with everyone around here acting like I'm some sort of saint."

Penny looked down in dismay, shaking her head.

"Anyway, I told Penny that while I was away on a scientific trip a couple of years ago, I kissed a girl there. I'm really ashamed of my behavior and I wish I could take it back, but there it is. And Penny was really angry, rightly so, and I was very worried that she might leave me."

"Never," Penny whispered.

"And then the car broke down. Some luck, huh? We got towed to a mechanic and then taken to a little motel. The next morning when the car was ready I went to pick it up. And I can tell you, all I could think of was what an idiot I had been and how desperate I was for Penny to forgive me."

Penny was looking down and shaking her head at the memory.

"But when I got back to the motel I was surprised that Penny wasn't in the room, and there was a half-eaten breakfast there. Plus something seemed wrong – the motel office was closed and dark, in the middle of the day, and the "No Vacancy" sign was on even though the place was empty. So I walked over to the office, and around back, and suddenly I heard Penny cry for help."

"You heard that?" Penny was surprised. "I could barely talk, I thought it was too soft."

"Yeah, it was really faint but I heard it and I recognized your voice. So I thought about what I might use as a weapon if I needed one – not something I'm used to doing in real life, you know – and thought of the tire iron in the trunk. I got that and pried open the office door. It was really dark in there and all I could hear was some noise from the back. Then the manager, who was a really big guy, came charging at me. I knew the tire iron wasn't enough to hit him with, so I decided to try to stab him with it. He was coming at me really fast, and just before he got to me I stepped forward with the sharper end of the tire iron pointing at him and the lug wrench part against my chest and just tried to get it as deep into his stomach as possible. It went really far in – I was surprised. So was he, I guess, because he stopped."

All three listeners were totally rapt.

"But the collision was so violent, and he was so big, that I went flying against the wall. And I felt this tremendous pain in my left arm." Leonard paused for a minute, with a quizzical look. He turned to Penny: "Hey, whatever happened with that? I forgot about it, and it's only a little sore. I thought I had broken my arm."

Penny said, "You dislocated your shoulder, and they put it back in right away at the hospital. I guess that's why it didn't hurt so much after."

"Oh. Well, the next thing I remember is Thompson choking me and me trying to get away. But he was too strong. And, umm…" and he stopped.

Penny looked at him, biting her lip. She couldn't believe he was going to tell her parents something so difficult. But she was proud of him for plowing ahead with a story that had to bring up such awful memories.

"Well, I told Penny this already, so…I could feel that I was dying. I actually felt myself starting to lose consciousness, and I couldn't see any way that I could save myself. It was a very strange feeling, knowing that I was about to die. And all I could think about was how I had disappointed Penny and how sad it was to die without knowing if she would be able to forgive me."

Penny's mother had her hand at her mouth, trying hard to keep from crying. Her father had clenched his fists and was looking at Leonard very intently, as if trying to get inside his mind.

"And the next thing I knew I was waking up in the hospital," Leonard finished.

Penny cleared her throat, telling herself not to cry. "And the first thing he did when he woke up was to ask if I was all right. And the second thing was to tell me how sorry he was and to ask for my forgiveness. I can tell you, I almost fainted on the spot when he did that. After all that had happened, all he had done, he was desperate for me to forgive him for some stupid little mistake two years ago. That's Leonard, Mom and Dad, that's the man I love and now you can see why," and she couldn't keep the tears away any more as she hugged Leonard to herself.

Leonard hugged her back, as the parents tried to control their tears and nodded that they understood.

After a minute or two Leonard said brightly, "Well, so I'd certainly like to know what happened to me while I was out like a light!"

Penny smiled at him and dried her eyes. "OK. Well, first let me tell you how it all began." And she recounted how Thompson lured her into the office, used chloroform to weaken her, and was preparing to assault her; how she managed to lock herself in the bathroom and how he was breaking down the bathroom door when he heard the front office door being pried open. She left out some of the more graphic details, and any mention of sex trafficking – she was definitely not ready for that. She continued.

"So I sneaked out of the bathroom; I figured with him in front it was my only chance to get out. And that's when I saw Leonard stop Thompson – although I didn't know how – and then him being strangled. Mom and Dad, you have to know, this guy was _huge_ , probably 6'7" and 300 pounds. I knew I had to do something so I grabbed a baseball bat there, one the night clerks probably used for protection, and hit Thompson a bunch of times until he was knocked out."

"But Leonard was barely breathing by then, so I got him outside and got help from a housekeeper at the motel. She was great, she helped me get Leonard over to our car, where we tried to wake him up and do what we could. She called 911. And the police and an ambulance came and we went to the hospital."

She looked at Leonard. "You wanted to know what happened while you were unconscious. We had you propped up against the car because you were having a lot of trouble, gasping for breath. I wasn't really sure what to do – you were already breathing so CPR didn't seem right, plus you were so bruised that I was almost afraid to touch you. María, the housekeeper, brought some wet towels and some ice and we tried to get you to wake up, and to put the ice on the worst of your injuries. I was talking to you and hugging you to try to wake you up when the police got there. They were really nice, and especially Officer Lopez. She told me that she didn't think your injuries were life-threatening, and then the ambulance came."

Penny stopped for a bit and looked nervously at Leonard. "The strongest memory I have of the whole experience is, well…it's hard to talk about. I'm not really sure I _should_ talk about it, but I can't get it out of my mind." She swallowed hard. "There was a pretty long time - - it probably lasted 45 minutes, from when he was strangling you until we were in the ambulance - - when I thought that it was possible that you wouldn't survive. I'm sorry, Leonard, I'm sorry, I can't believe I'm saying this to you, but it was so frightening." Leonard stroked Penny's hair and nodded encouragement.

"I realize now that it was only about 35 or 45 minutes when I wasn't sure Leonard would make it, but it felt like hours and hours, and it was really devastating. And," she said, still looking at Leonard, "I think I want you to know what went through my mind, because it really had an impact on me."

"All during this time, of course, I was trying to help you, to wake you up, to help you breathe, to get you into the ambulance. But all that time, in the back of my mind I couldn't help but think that really, you might die. I just couldn't get it out of my mind that you were dying…." Penny was starting to tear up. "I'm so sorry, Leonard, this is such a terrible thing to do to you." Leonard held her hand tightly and said, "It's all right."

"You know how they say that your life flashes before your eyes when you're dying? Well, in my case it was my life with you that flashed before my eyes when I thought you were dying. It was like a movie, seeing it all happen again, fast forward. When I first met you, and when we went on those first few dates, and then when you went to the North Pole and came back and we got together. And then you said you loved me and I broke up with you and then when you asked me out again and the car and the engagement and the prom and, just everything…and I really thought you were going to die and there was nothing I could do about it and…" but she could not continue. Suddenly she threw her arms around Leonard and held him tight. Leonard hugged Penny back, whispering in her ear. They stayed like this for a good minute or so, as Penny's parents looked on with concern. Finally Penny let go, took a deep breath, and began to speak again.

"You know," Penny continued, swallowing hard, and now looking at her parents, "my mind was shooting back and forth thinking about what to do if he was dead. It was really everyday stuff, silly things, really. Like going into his room and packing up his things because he was dead and had to be buried. And when I thought about that I almost felt like I couldn't breathe." Penny stopped and shook her head as if she were trying to get rid of the memory.

"So I was trying to get Leonard up, and trying not to look at all his injuries, and my mind was racing, thinking about all this. And all I could think was that for eight years Leonard has been so much a part of my life that I couldn't even imagine what would happen to me without Leonard. Little things, you know? Who would I talk to when I got home from work? What would it be like to knock on the door of the apartment across the hall and know that Leonard wouldn't be answering it? Who would do nice things for me when I was feeling bad? Who could I text during the day just to check in? Who would text me in the middle of the day to tell me he missed me?"

"I panicked, I really did. I couldn't see how my life would go on without Leonard. I knew I couldn't stay in LA, maybe I would move back to Nebraska. And I felt like I was going to collapse, but I kept on trying to be strong so I could be with you." She was looking right at Leonard now with a burning intensity. Leonard gulped and tried to hold back his tears.

"And Officer Lopez was trying to keep me going, she kept telling me you were going to be all right. I don't know if she believed that, but that's what she told me. And it helped take my mind a little off all those morbid and horrible thoughts."

"But," and she paused again, and took an even deeper breath, and now looked right at Leonard, "I have to tell you that those thoughts keep coming back, all the time. I haven't said anything about it because it was so scary and you've got enough to deal with, but I can't help it. Every time I think about it I panic again and sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I can't breathe and I have to reach over and touch you to make sure you're there and sometimes I have to lean over and make sure you're breathing and even then I can't go back to sleep because I'm so scared. You could be dead, Leonard, you could be dead…" Again she pulled Leonard to herself and started sobbing.

Leonard hugged Penny now, and kissed her eyes gently as the tears rolled down her cheeks. Penny's mother was crying, too, and her father looked increasingly uncomfortable. But Leonard spoke.

"It's over, Penny. It's all over. And we made it. And just think: I was able to protect you from a monster, and you were able to save me from being killed by that monster. I think if we survived that, we can survive anything."

And he turned to her parents, as Penny continued to cry quietly. "Penny is the strongest person I know. You can't believe everything she has been doing for the past two weeks. But at some point I think it's too much to ask. She needs a break. And I know there's nobody better in the world to give her a break than you two. You know more than I do about taking care of her. So please, make the next few days for Penny, not for me."

Wyatt looked at his wife, then replied, "I don't know that we can do that, son. They'll have to be for the two of you. You both deserve everything we can give you. So from now on, we're taking care of both of you, until we leave Friday morning. And no arguments."

Leonard nodded. Penny looked at her parents gratefully, and also nodded.

"Starting with a nice dinner," her mother said. "Leonard, do you think you could eat a beef stew if the pieces were small enough?"

"I can certainly try!" Leonard said enthusiastically. "It's been so long since I've had any meat."

"And Penny, will your vegetarianism object just this once?"

Leonard laughed. "Penny is what you might call a selective vegetarian. I never saw anyone inhale a steak like her – and then call herself a vegetarian the next day."

Penny smiled guiltily. "Yeah, it's fine. Especially since it's your beef stew. You'll see, Leonard, my mom makes the _best_ beef stew. Even vegetarians love it."

"All right. Just give us the keys to one of your cars and tell us where the supermarket is and we'll take care of everything," she continued. Instructions given, they went off to shop and prepare dinner, leaving the two young people alone.

They lay there for a long time, just holding each other. Eventually Penny stroked Leonard's cheek and said, "There's something I didn't say before. I think it's just for us. I had a lot of time to think at the hospital, those couple of days, and I've had a lot of time since then. And I decided something. I decided to stop being stupid."

"You're not stupid, you've never been stupid," Leonard protested.

"Well, at least not smart, not smart enough about us."

"What do you mean?" Leonard asked.

"Leonard, I've known that I wanted to be with you for a long, long time – a lot longer than I think you know. Maybe even after a few months of knowing you, before we ever even dated. I just thought you were the most thoughtful, caring man I had ever met, and I always wanted to spend time with you. But I guess I wanted other things, too, and so I never did much about it. You made it easy for me not to do much, because it was pretty obvious you wanted to be with me and I figured you'd always be there. So I sort of took you for granted. And I think I have been taking you for granted too long."

"It doesn't feel that way to me," Leonard insisted.

"Well, it does to me, and you have no say in this," Penny said firmly. "For eight years you've been just about the most important person in my life. Even when we were just friends, and even when we weren't together, you were always there for me. I knew I could count on you if I needed help, or somebody to talk to."

"Or a free dinner," Leonard added.

"Come on, I'm not kidding. The point is that for pretty much all my adult life, you've been the most important person in it. My best friend. And something that important is not something to take for granted. I don't take my parents for granted, and you've been much more a part of my life as a grownup than they have. Something, someone, that important is someone to pay attention to, to work on, to…to cherish, that's the word."

"Sounds like a song," Leonard joked.

"Leonard! I'm really serious about this, and you're making fun of me."

"Sorry, sorry, it's just a little embarrassing to hear myself talked about like this. All right, I'll be quiet."

"So," Penny continued, "I decided that this is it. You and me. We're going to be together forever, and that means I need to pay more attention to us – to you. So I've been trying. Not just because you've been hurt, but generally. Trying to find out more about you, trying to do things that will make us more of a real couple. I don't know if you've noticed…" she said hopefully.

"Oh, I've noticed. And I have to say I sort of love it. Reading, talking about our future, asking me about my work – it's different, and it's exciting, and I love it."

"Good. Because it's not going to stop. I am committed to you, and to us. And from now on we come first. And, by the way, that may mean some pretty difficult conversations with Sheldon. I love that boy, but at this point in our lives we can't let him come in the way of all the progress we've made. Our life together needs to keep moving forward, whether he can accept it or not. Do you agree?"

"I agree. But I don't look forward to having to deal with him. Anyway, maybe he and Amy will patch things up and he'll start moving ahead in his life, too," Leonard said hopefully.

"We can only hope," Penny sighed. She was tired, and she knew Leonard was too. "Let's take a nap together until my parents have dinner ready, OK? It's been a while since we did that."

Wyatt knocked gently a couple of hours later to tell them dinner was ready. It was, of course, delicious, and the two lovers basked in the affection Penny's parents showered them with. At the end of the evening, they announced in no uncertain terms that they'd be back the next morning and that breakfast was to be served in bed, like it or not. Leonard and Penny humbly submitted before bidding them good night.

Bedtime brought another conversation. Penny didn't want to dwell more on the discussion of the day, and she had dozens of questions stored up, so she went about as far afield as she could think.

"Let's talk. Leonard Hofstadter, what was your favorite class in college?"

Leonard looked startled. "Wow, didn't expect that. OK. Well, believe it or not, it wasn't physics and it wasn't even science. It was a seminar I took on the American Revolution. Actually, I don't remember the name but it was specifically on the Constitution, on the debates and discussions leading up to it."

"What was so good about it?"

"What I loved about it was that these guys came up with the ideas about how to run a new country. They argued, and fought, and thought things through. We read the Federalist Papers, where they set out all the reasons to organize the United States the way it eventually got organized. It was like an invention, only the invention of a country. I never imagined that people, human beings, could just imagine and design a country and a government like that."

"I never thought of it like that," Penny said reflectively.

"Neither had I. That was why it was so exciting. And you know something, I told Michael about it and I think that may have influenced him at least to look into Constitutional Law. I mean, he always wanted to be a law professor, but I like to think that our conversations about that class had an effect on him."

"I'm sure they did. He has a lot of respect for you, you know."

"I know. I wish I could see him more. Maybe we can go visit him someday?"

"I'd like that a lot," Penny said sincerely. "I've never been to Boston."

"And I've never been to Nebraska. I'd love to go sometime."

Penny scoffed, "You'll be disappointed. It's not exactly exciting."

"Yes, but it's different. And it's where you came from, so that's interesting."

"We have a lot of exploring to do," Penny concluded. Leonard nodded, as he nodded off to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Breakfast was served in bed the next day, and every day thereafter until Friday, when Penny's parents went back to Nebraska. And they pampered Leonard and Penny mercilessly. But they also found time for some serious conversations.

Tuesday afternoon, as Leonard slept and Penny's mother was shopping, Wyatt and Penny sat on the couch in the living room and talked.

"Leonard's very special. And he must be very strong, too." Wyatt said to Penny.

"Of course I know he's special, Dad. But very strong wouldn't have been the first thing that came to my mind. What do you mean?"

Wyatt looked at her. "Just think. From the moment he started school, he was probably picked on, bullied, beat up just for being who he was. And yet he kept doing what he loved. He probably didn't have many friends, either."

"He told me he didn't have any in high school," Penny said, sadly.

"Right. Imagine what it was like for an eight year old, or a fifteen year old, to have nobody to talk to, and to be ignored by your parents like he was, and to get harassed all the time by the cool kids – and still to keep on being brilliant even though that's what got him beat up. It doesn't take any strength to be a cool kid or a bully. It takes incredible strength, I think, to go through your whole childhood and those tough teen years with nobody supporting you and everybody attacking you, and yet to come out of it as successful as Leonard is."

Penny was very quiet.

"It took me a long time," Wyatt continued, "looking back, to realize that the heroes of our high school weren't the quarterback and the popular guys. A lot of them ended up as drunks, or in dead-end jobs: high school was the high point of their lives. The nerds – they ended up being the lawyers, the doctors, the schoolteachers, the successful ones."

"So what happened to you?" Penny asked. "I know you were popular, and a football star – Mom told us that. You came out all right."

"That's because of your mother. She saved me from myself. We knew each other in high school, but I was too cool for her, or whatever. But when we met again a couple of years later, she made it clear that she liked me _in spite of_ the coolness. And eventually that all the things I thought were cool were just on the surface, that real life had a lot more to it than impressing people. Your mother made me who I am."

Penny was very quiet again. "I would love for Leonard to be able to say something like that about me. But I'll bet he can't. I was one of the popular girls whose friends probably beat him up. Sometimes I don't know what exactly I can do for him. He deserves so much, for all he does for me, but what do I give him?"

Wyatt smiled at her. "You give him exactly what he needs: love. Everything else comes with it. You know he adores you; just being around you makes him happy. What more could a person want?"

Penny shook her head. "I guess. But I don't feel like it's enough. And there's a lot I don't understand about him. That's one of the things I've been thinking about ever since Barstow. He knows me a lot better than I know him, I think."

"What makes you say that?" her father asked.

"Well, I don't understand why he's so scared, and so worried. He was scared when I quit my waitressing job to focus on acting. And he was crazy jealous of a guy in my class just because we were doing a project together. He gets upset if I break a date, even if he tries not to show it. If I get just a little angry at him, he's terrified. And he seems worried that I'm making more money than he is. In fact, he worries all the time and I don't really know why."

"Well, I can't say for certain, but I can tell you what I think is the main reason he worries."

"What's that?"

"Because," her father explained, "like any good man, his greatest fear is that the woman he loves won't love him back. I'm surprised you don't know that. Just about everyone is afraid of getting hurt by somebody they're close to. For most men, it's especially scary because they're not used to talking about their feelings. And in Leonard's case, from what you've told me, that's probably made worse by how his mother treated him. Anyway, I'm willing to bet that his biggest fear is that you won't love him as much as he loves you. And you know, he loves you a lot. So he just worries that you might not be as much in love with him as he is with you. And maybe even that you might leave him – you heard what he said yesterday, he was worried that you would leave him because he kissed that girl two years ago. So he worries about losing you."

"Oh God," Penny was increasingly agitated as her father spoke. "I've made such a mess of things. Oh, God."

"What's wrong, darling?" said her father, alarmed.

"It's just that I've given him so many reasons to doubt me. The first time he told me he loved me, I broke up with him. He probably tells me he loves me, or something romantic like that, ten times as much as I tell him. And I'm always kidding him, and I don't really pay attention to his work, and he probably just feels like I only tolerate him and that's not true at all. He's so good to me, and I just don't feel like I'm that good to him. So of course he must wonder if I really care as much for him as he does for me. And I do, I really do, I'm just not as out there with it as he is. It's not right. These last couple of weeks I've been feeling really guilty about it, and I don't know what to do."

Wyatt put his hand on Penny's arm gently, as she shook her head sadly. "Penny, from what I see you have nothing to feel guilty about. And I'm pretty sure Leonard agrees with me. He knows you love him and want to be with him. 'Course, it can never hurt to make him feel loved more often, so just keep that in mind. But I think you two are going to have just about as solid a marriage as can be. You already look like a married couple – you're so comfortable with each other. And any fool can see how much both of you care about each other. Don't you start worrying about things that aren't worth worrying about!"

"OK, Dad." She was calmer now. "I miss talking to you. I want to talk to you and Mom more now."

"You'll get no opposition from us, I guarantee you that!"

A few minutes later, Penny's mother returned. She and her husband exchanged glances and he nodded. His part of their arrangement had been accomplished. Now it was her turn.

"Why don't you take me around Pasadena a little?" he said to Penny. "Your mother can stay with Leonard, get to know him a little better, and you can show your old father how young people live these days."

"You're not old, Daddy, but OK," Penny laughed as she picked up her purse and keys.

Leonard woke up a while later and went to the bathroom. Once he was back in the bedroom, Penny's mother knocked softly and went in.

"Oh, hi!" Leonard said brightly. "Didn't you go shopping?"

"I did, but now I'm back. Penny and Wyatt are out looking around Pasadena, so I thought I'd come visit with you a bit."

"I'd like that," Leonard said, sitting up in bed.

She sat in the chair by the bed. "You know Penny loves you very much."

"I know that," Leonard said, "and I am so lucky. And I love her very much, too."

"I know, dear. But you have to understand something about my daughter. She's always been a strong girl, who knows her own mind. And she's never been shy about what she's thinking."

"Believe me, I know that too!"

"But I'm her mother, and I know some other things about her. She has trouble with the deeper things that she might be feeling. When she was a teenager and something was troubling her, she would sometimes keep everything bottled up for weeks or even months, and then it would all pour out. That's not too healthy in an adult. People have to learn to talk about their feelings, even when they don't want to."

"That's certainly true," Leonard said with some worry in his voice. "Is there something in particular you're concerned about, with Penny I mean? Something I should know?"

"Nothing specific. But a mother can tell. And I think Penny's holding in a lot of very powerful emotions. I know she's really trying to be strong as she helps you get back into good health, and that's as it should be. But I think we got a little taste yesterday of just how much your being hurt affected her. I don't believe that pain is all worked out of her just yet. And it needs to come out, it's like a boil that you have to lance."

Leonard was listening intently. He wasn't crazy about the boil-lancing part, but he wanted to know how he could help Penny through a difficult time. "What do you think I should do?"

"Just let her know that, whatever she may be feeling, you'll be there for her. I don't think she's used to being with a man who really cares about what she needs, and who will do what he can to take care of her. She needs to know that _she_ deserves to be taken care of, too.

"I think I understand. I'll do my best. I know Penny deserves nothing but the best."

"Good man. And you _are_ nothing but the best, you know? Her father and I are so, so happy that you two found each other. It's really a parent's dream. But now I have to get back to making dinner. Are you all right here alone?"

"Of course! I have plenty of reading to do," Leonard said as she left the room.

* * *

After another Nebraska-themed dinner, Leonard and Penny settled once more into bed. Penny lay next to Leonard and began.

"Let's talk. Leonard Hofstadter…" but she could not continue. She began to weep as she looked at Leonard pleadingly. "I'm sorry, Leonard, I'm so sorry," she sobbed.

Leonard was shocked, but remembered what her mother had said. Maybe this was some of that emotion coming out. So he just held Penny, stroking her face, trying to catch her tears, and saying "It's all right, everything is going to be all right."

But Penny continued to cry, her body shaking, as she repeated over and over, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so, so sorry." Leonard was concerned, but also baffled – he had no idea what she had to be sorry about. All he could do was comfort Penny.

After a good twenty minutes the crying subsided and Penny looked guiltily at Leonard. Leonard couldn't restrain himself. "What are you sorry about, Penny? You have nothing to apologize for."

"Oh yes, I do, you have no idea. I did so many terrible things, and I'm sorry for all of them. I'm sorry that I was one of those kids who would have made fun of you in high school. And I'm sorry I never followed up after our first date. I _knew_ there was something there, but I just kept hanging out with other guys. And I'm sorry, I am _so so_ sorry, that I broke up with you just because you said you loved me. God, what an idiot. And I'm sorry I have so much trouble telling you how I really feel about you. So many years, so many things I did to you. How can you even stand me after all that?"

Leonard looked at her with sympathy. "Penny, you're apologizing for being human, and being normal. So when you were 16 you liked being popular. And when you were 21 you wanted to experiment with freedom, freedom to be with different guys. And when you were 25 you weren't sure you were ready for a serious relationship. So you were a human being. There's nothing to be sorry about."

"Yes, there is," Penny said firmly. "It's another of the things I've been thinking about since Barstow. When my mind was racing through our years together, and then when I went over them more calmly after, it's almost always about things that you do for me, that you've done for me. Buying me a car when I needed one, paying for our little vacations, comforting me when I'm sad, taking me out to nice places….It's all been you all the time and I just sit back and take it for granted, and then I complain or get angry and then you almost got killed trying to protect me and…oh, God, I feel like such a terrible person," and the sobbing began again.

Leonard let her cry a little, but then insisted: "Penny. I wake up mornings these days with you next to me and I still can't believe how lucky I am. All my life I just wanted to be able to love somebody who would love me back. And now I have that: and, what's more, the woman who loves me is wonderful, beautiful, sensitive, everything I could ever want.

"You talk about all the things I've done for you. But they're easy: paying for a car, taking you out for dinner. What you've done for me is much more. You make me feel loved, and accepted. Maybe that doesn't seem like much to you – because your parents always made you feel loved. But mine didn't. And now I have a woman in my life who treats me like a person who matters, not like a nuisance. And not just any woman, a woman who to me stands for everything that is good about people. You can't imagine how incredible that makes me feel."

Penny was still shaking her head, still a little weepy.

Leonard tried again. "You know, you talk about memories. I have a memory, too, one that I think about all the time. Know what it is?"

Penny shook her head.

"It's that box of mementos you showed me – a plane ticket I bought for you, a rose, love letters, a box full of things you had kept. And when I said I couldn't believe you had saved all that, you said, 'Of course I did – they're you.' That, Penny, is the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me, or done for me. That's the truth. All that other stuff you're trying to apologize for – that's nothing. Your saving all those things – that tells me how much I matter to you. And that's enough. That's more than enough."

"Really?" Penny said hopefully.

"Really." Leonard hugged her close. "Really and truly."


	6. Chapter 6

The remainder of her parents' visit went too fast for Penny, but it was relaxing and restorative. Their insistence on doing everything gave Penny the chance to take a couple of long baths, finish _Jane Eyre_ , and spend a lot of time with Leonard.

The Thursday morning visit to Dr. Sussman was encouraging: Leonard had permission to leave the apartment, although the doctor insisted on a wheelchair until he had regained more strength. But not all went well: Dr. Sussman cornered Penny again, and asked whether she had been in touch with therapists. Penny had to admit that she had not. The doctor was not happy, and made her promise to make an appointment to see somebody by the following week.

With the doctor's new orders, Wyatt rented a wheelchair and that afternoon the four of them went to the Santa Monica Pier. It was the parents' last evening in Los Angeles, and they wanted to watch the sun set over the Pacific. On the drive home, Penny and Leonard fell asleep in the back seat, waking up only when they were back in Pasadena. They felt like little kids, led upstairs and into bed by the parents. It was a fitting end to a soothing visit.

But life had continued. Wednesday Amy texted Penny to see if they could talk. She came over, at Penny's request, around 8 PM, after dinner, after her parents had left for the hotel, but before Leonard's bedtime.

Amy was concerned. "I've been texting Sheldon but he hasn't answered. I was going to do as I had decided, wait a week and then try to get together for some short conversations. But I've sent him a half-dozen texts in the last couple of days and he hasn't responded. What's up with him?"

"I'm surprised he didn't tell you," Penny said. "He went to Chicago, to the Fermilab place, for the week; he's supposed to be back Friday."

"That's strange," Amy said. "Sheldon doesn't have that high an opinion of the people at Fermilab; he thinks they're a poor imitation of CERN. I wonder what happened."

Penny hesitated. "I think I know. He was very angry. Some of it was at you; a lot of it was at Leonard and me. I think he felt like we were not being sympathetic enough to his point of view. And then I think the last straw was the thought of my parents being around for a whole week. He just took off."

"Wow," Amy shook her head. "That seems like a pretty extreme reaction. I hope he's all right."

"Me too. I think he's under a lot of stress. When Leonard and I got back from Barstow he was obviously making a massive effort to be helpful, and he almost seemed like a different person. But it didn't last. I think, between Leonard being injured and your taking a break, he started to fall apart. But I know that he definitely wants to talk to you. He may not fully understand your point of view," Penny said, with understatement, "but I think he really values your relationship and wants to make it work."

"Well, I have some ideas. If the first couple of mini-dates go well, I am planning to give him a series of instructions that he can follow."

"Instructions?" Penny was aghast. "Don't you think that's a little mechanical? Why don't you try to get him to see your point of view?"

"Pfft," Amy jeered. "You don't know him. His mind works on the basis of logic and routine. Understanding comes later, if at all."

"OK," Penny admitted, "you probably know best."

The issue came to a head that weekend. Sheldon returned Friday afternoon, a few hours after Penny's parents had left. He was still in a foul mood, barely speaking to them. But his mood brightened a little when Penny told him that Amy had been worried about him, and asked why he hadn't responded to her texts.

"I was out of town, and she was asking to see me. I didn't see any reason to rush to answer," Sheldon said, somewhat defiantly. "I answered from the airport, and we've made plans to see each other for lunch tomorrow. Amy says she wants to have some mini-dates before we move on. Sounds silly to me, but I suppose I have to compromise."

"Good for you," Penny said. "And good luck."

But Saturday afternoon Sheldon walked into the apartment in a rage, slamming the door. Penny and Leonard were sitting at the kitchen high-top having lunch.

"It's your fault!" Sheldon said angrily.

"Who?" they asked simultaneously.

"Both of you."

"What did we do?" Penny wanted to know.

"Ha! All this marriage stuff, and all this lovey-dovey mooning around here, has gone to Amy's head. Or maybe her ovaries. She said that her goal is a committed relationship – like yours. And she said she wanted to see us caring about each other – like you do. And so on. Apparently you've become something of a role model. As if Amy and I are destined to wallow in mundane sentimentality. It's all nonsense, and I told her so. I never even got dessert before she said the mini-date was over. She said she'd give me a day to think about what I had said, and we would meet for lunch tomorrow again."

"Well," Leonard said encouragingly, "that's something. She wants to see you again. So maybe you can try to figure out why what you said upset her."

"It's her job to tell me whether and why she's upset. I told you, I'm not a mind-reader. What a nightmare!" And he disappeared into his bedroom.

Leonard looked at Penny. "You need to talk to him, to try to get him to see Amy's point of view. He's not listening to me at all. Give him a couple of hours, then try."

Penny did as suggested, and in fact had a moderately sensible conversation with Sheldon. Eventually, once he had calmed down, he did admit that marriage was a reasonable goal, and that caring for one another was a pretty minimal requirement of a good marriage. He resisted, but Penny felt that he was prepared for the next day's mini-date.

It must have gone well, because Sheldon returned a lot happier. "We're meeting tomorrow evening at her apartment to go over the parameters of our relationship. So I think the problems may be resolved!" he said grinning when he got home Sunday afternoon.

* * *

Meanwhile, Leonard was getting stronger every day. His department chair called and asked whether Leonard might not want to stop by for a social call – everybody in the Department wanted to see him. Penny cleared it with Dr. Sussman – wheelchair only, though – and they arranged with Raj to drive them to Caltech Monday afternoon. First, though, she fulfilled her promise to the doctor and made an appointment to see one of the therapists on the list, one afternoon the following week.

At Caltech, Leonard and Penny stopped by Dr. Gablehauser's office first. "Leonard!" he exclaimed, rising quickly from his chair to greet his colleague. "And Penny, right?" He shook her hand "I must say, the Department has had its share of celebrities, but never a _bona fide_ action figure."

Leonard laughed. "Well, I don't know about that. But it's good to see you, and I'm looking forward to seeing the rest of the gang."

"Well, let's go to the cafeteria. We might find some of them there," Dr. Gablehauser said. As they turned, he winked at Penny – she had no idea why.

Penny soon realized the meaning of the wink as she rolled Leonard into a cafeteria full of people – there must have been a hundred in a space meant for 30. She recognized a few – and of course Raj and Howard were there, as was Sheldon, looking morose. Off on the side was a table with a sort of trophy on it. Dr. Gablehauser quieted everyone down, and began to speak.

"Everyone here knows what a fine scientist Dr. Hofstadter is. But until recently, his other talents were hidden from view. We are now all glad that they have been recognized publicly, and we have a little token to reflect this recognition." He handed it to Leonard, and he and Penny saw an award with a small bronze model of a tire iron on top. It was inscribed "For Leonard Hofstadter. Colleague, friend, hero."

Leonard and Penny laughed, as Dr. Gablehauser continued. "Seriously, it was a shock to all of us to hear about your injuries, Leonard." Penny noted that he made no mention of the assault on her, although he must have known that she was the "companion" in the press reports. She appreciated the discretion. "And it was, I have to say, an even bigger shock to find out that you were able to incapacitate a man twice your size, and to bring down a drug cartel. I presume you owe it all to science. In any case, I didn't have to do much research to know that this was a first for our Department, and in fact for the whole Institute."

Everybody applauded. "We want you back just as soon as you feel up to it," Dr. Gablehauser went on. "But having met your lovely fiancée, I can understand that you might want to take a few more weeks at home with her to recuperate. You have our blessings. And our envy."

More laughter, and applause. "Again, Dr. Hofstadter, we're proud to be your colleagues and, I hope, your friends."

It was a lovely little ceremony, and Penny got to meet a lot more of Leonard's co-workers afterwards, as people milled around to talk to him for nearly an hour. Janine Davis gave her a warm embrace, and Howard and Raj proudly paraded her around to their colleagues.

As the party progressed, Penny buttonholed Howard. "Howard, can I talk to you for a minute?" she said as she led him out into the hall, out of earshot of Leonard.

"Sure, Penny, what's up?"

"Have you read _Catch-22_?"

"Oh, yeah, it's one of my favorites. Why?"

"Well," Penny said a little reticently, "I've been reading a little more lately – I read _Wuthering Heights_ and _Jane Eyre_ and I really liked them. But _Catch-22_ is Leonard's favorite book – not science fiction, that is – and I sort of wanted to surprise him by reading it. But do you think it will be too hard for me?"

Howard looked at her intently. "No, not really. Well, it's a confusing book because it's not linear. It jumps around, and a lot of it doesn't make sense – at least not at first – and it's pretty mixed up. Sort of like life. I think that's part of what makes it so great: it's like real life. So, sure, it's not easy to understand, and when you're reading it you spend a lot of time trying to figure out what's really going on. But it's not _hard_ , per se. I'm pretty sure you'd like it. It's a really good book. Very sad, but also very funny."

"Yeah, that's what Leonard said. It sounded amazing. Thanks, Howard. Please don't say anything to Leonard about this, though, I want it to be a surprise."

"Of course." Howard looked at Penny again. "Penny, can I tell you something?"

"Sure."

"I just wanted to say how much we admire all you're doing for Leonard. Bernadette and I were talking about it the other night. It's really amazing. You're so, so…together. And you're so wonderful to him. It's very impressive. Of course, he deserves it, he's a great guy. But I know all our friends are really grateful for everything you've done."

Penny was moved. "Thanks, Howard. That means a lot to me. We've been through some hard times, but I think we're coming through them stronger than ever. Better than ever."

"I can see that. Everybody can see that." Howard looked emotional. "I really just want to hug you now. Is that all right, or will you punch me in the nose, like last time?" he joked.

"Of course it's all right. You're not the man you were then." And the two friends hugged warmly.

"Thank you, Howard. What you said means a lot to me. And thanks for the tips on the book, too," Penny said, as she went back to be with Leonard. As she walked away, Howard shook his head in wonder. Eight years earlier, he could never have imagined having a conversation like that with Penny. They had all changed so much, he thought.

* * *

Raj gave Leonard, Penny, and Sheldon a ride home. Once in the apartment, Sheldon was practically dancing in preparation for the meeting with Amy. Leonard tried to bring him back to reality: "Sheldon, remember what we've been talking about. You need to listen to Amy, to try to understand her point of view. That's important."

"Blah blah blah," Sheldon said. "I know, I know. But the fact that she called a meeting indicates that she intends to resume our relationship – otherwise why would she have asked me to aside aside approximately two hours?"

Amy came by the apartment after dinner. She spent some time with Penny and Leonard, remarking on how much better Leonard looked. Then she and Sheldon left to go over to her apartment.

"Come on in, Sheldon, and sit down. We have a lot to talk about," Amy began.

"We certainly do," Sheldon said. "It's been weeks since we've talked. I know how hard that must have been for you."

"What about for you?" Amy asked, starting to get irritated before things had even begun.

"What about me what?"

"Was it hard for you not to talk to me for several weeks?"

"Oh," Sheldon said, remembering all the pointers Penny and Leonard had given him. "Oh, yes. I was just remarking on how it must have made you feel. I understand."

"Good. Well, as I told you, I needed to do some thinking, and I have. I want you to know that I do love you, and I want our relationship to work. But there are some things that have to change if it's going to move forward."

"Oh, boy," Sheldon muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing."

"Look, Sheldon, I am serious about this. I want a relationship built on mutual trust, respect, and understanding. I'm not talking about the physical aspects, because I think they will follow. But you need to know that we can't continue doing things the same way we were before. That wasn't working for me."

"I understand," Sheldon said. He was pretty sure that was the right response. Leonard had told him, flat out, that when in doubt, saying "I understand" was almost always the way to go.

"All right. So, I have a couple of things to raise. The first is about your behavior toward me. I've put together a little list of conduct that I believe is not conducive to a healthy relationship. Here it is." And she handed Sheldon a sheet, with few enough words on it. It read:

 _The Seven Deadly Sins of Sheldon_

 _1\. Arrogance_

 _2\. Condescension_

 _3\. Conceit_

 _4\. Intolerance_

 _5\. Impatience_

 _6\. Narrow-mindedness_

 _7\. Contempt_

Sheldon looked at the list. Amy studied him closely. "These are character traits that I think have no place in a relationship. What do you think?"

Sheldon sputtered. "I, I…well, I actually don't understand. Are you saying that I'm all these things?"

Amy was quick to respond. "No, no, I don't mean it that way. What I mean is that sometimes you act towards me with one of these traits, and that's not appropriate. So what I'd like to do is work out how to make sure that when you're with me, you don't commit any of these 'sins,' so to speak."

Sheldon tried to control his growing anger. "So you're saying that up to now I've been…" he looked down at the sheet "arrogant and conceited, just as a start? Is that the problem? That's why you needed to take a break?"

Amy could see that Sheldon's defenses were rising rapidly. "I know you didn't act that way on purpose. I know you're a good person, and I love you for the person you are. But sometimes your actions are a little abrupt, and you come off in ways I'm sure you don't mean. So it's really about making sure you say what you mean, in a way that is constructive."

Sheldon narrowed his eyes. "I always say what I mean. And I always mean what I say. And I think my ideas are always constructive."

This is not going well, Amy thought. "Sheldon, I think you're taking this the wrong way. I'm afraid that if we keep talking tonight, we'll only argue. So why don't you take this sheet and think about it, and we can meet again in a couple of days? OK?"

"OK," Sheldon said, getting up quickly. It was clear he had no desire to stay any longer.

In the car back to his apartment, Amy tried to smooth things a little. "Sheldon, please understand that I'm trying to do this for us, not just for me. I want us to get along better, so that we can build a future together. Try not to take things so personally."

"So when somebody calls me narrow-minded and intolerant, I shouldn't take it personally?"

Amy sighed. "I guess I should have been more diplomatic. Please, just try to think over what we've been talking about."

Sheldon entered the apartment to find Penny and Leonard on the couch. Leonard was a lot more mobile, and was definitely tired of staying in his bedroom.

"So," Leonard asked hopefully, "how did it go?"

"Well," Sheldon said bitterly, "since I'm back at least an hour early, you can draw your own conclusions. It seems Amy didn't need more than a few minutes to tell me that I was," and he pulled out the sheet, "let's see…arrogant, condescending, conceited, intolerant, impatient, narrow-minded, and contemptuous." He showed Penny and Leonard the sheet, then took it back and walked into his bedroom.

"Wow." Penny was the first to react. "I can't believe she did that. What was she thinking?"

Leonard shook his head. "Sometimes I don't know who's more clueless. After five years, you would think she'd have figured out that a full frontal assault like that would only drive Sheldon away. You need to talk to her."

"I think I can arrange a girl's night out later in the week. But maybe you should try to do the same with Sheldon – get all the guys together for a sort of intervention. He's not listening to you alone, but maybe if the three of you talk to him he might be more receptive."

The two of them immediately got on their phones and managed to set up a girls' night out that Thursday, and a boys' night at the apartment at the same time. Meanwhile, Penny and Leonard each needed to brief Bernadette, and Howard and Raj, respectively.

That night, Penny got ready for another conversation. But first she wanted to tell Leonard about it.

"Leonard," she said shyly, "if I tell you something I did, sort of about science, do you promise not to laugh at me?"

"I promise."

"OK. In Barstow the police were wondering how that tire iron went so far into Thompson, and I said momentum is mass times velocity: he was really big, and moving really fast. Was that right?"

Leonard looked at Penny with his mouth open.

"Close your mouth, it's impolite," she said, smiling. "I guess that means it's right."

"It's completely right. How did you know that?"

"Sheldon tried to explain some of it to me once, and I guess that sunk in. Plus afterwards I looked a few things up on Wikipedia and I remembered that."

"Wow. Just, like, wow. I guess I need to learn something about acting now."

"Don't be silly, I'm not asking for miracles. Anyhow, I made up a little story after that about momentum, and about us. It goes: there was the mass of the long history between us, and the velocity of what happened to us in Barstow, and so that momentum pushed our relationship forward. What do you think?"

"I think it's incredibly clever, Penny, and very accurate. If you ever say you're stupid again I'll punch you."

"Just try it, buster. It will be the last punch you ever throw," she kidded. "So that's not all. Then once we started these evening discussions, I came up with a name for them: the Momentum Conversations. That's what I call them to myself. I just wanted you to know. I guess it's silly but I figured there's no harm introducing a little science into our relationship. You can bring the romance; I'll bring the science."

Leonard laughed, then stopped and thought. "That's a really cute name. But it's even better than you think."

"Why?"

"So, there's this concept called Momentum Conservation, from Newton's third law. It says that if one object strikes another, the second object will gain exactly the momentum lost by the first object. Of course, it only applies in closed systems, and so on, but the basic idea is that when the two objects come together, one can transmit its momentum to the other. So it's a perfect analogy for a relationship. One person's progress can be transmitted to another. Like us."

"Cool!" Penny said. "Momentum conversations and momentum conservation. That's so neat."

Leonard looked at her. "You know, I don't think I've said enough how impressed I am by you these days. I mean, I always knew you were great, but it's like every day you surprise me with some new revelation. I love you."

"I love you too, Leonard. I want you to know that. I don't say it enough. I don't know why, and maybe somehow I will never say it enough. But I hope you know that I do love you, even if I don't always tell you."

"I do."

"But don't expect me to keep coming up with clever tricks. This momentum thing is pretty much all the science I've got. Other than that Fig Newtons aren't named after Newton."

"It's enough," Leonard said. "So what's our Momentum Conversation for tonight?"

"OK, here's one that might be fun. Let's talk. Leonard Hofstadter, what is it about Star Trek that you like so much?"

Leonard exhaled slowly. "Boy, that's tough. I never really thought about the why of it. I guess…I guess it's because it's about scientists who are also brave and heroic. The science is pretty silly, of course – if you could even call it science – but the idea is that people like Kirk and Spock know a lot of science. And still they're able to defeat enemies with their minds; also with their strength, but mostly with their minds. I suppose that's it: the whole premise of the show is that brains defeat brawn. Sort of wishful thinking for nerds like me."

Penny pursed her lips. "But it's true, you know, in the real world. The successful people in life aren't the quarterbacks and the big men on campus; they're the nerds," she said, echoing her father's words. "Because only one in a million high school quarterbacks is going to grow up to be a quarterback in real life, but a smart and hard-working kid will grow up to be a smart and hard-working adult."

"True. But don't knock the sports guys. Did you know that my brother Michael was an excellent baseball player? He and his teammates worked really hard, and I admired them for that. After all, some of my best friends were high school quarterbacks. Well, that's not really true. But you get the idea."

"You're right. There's nothing wrong with having special abilities, as your superheros would say. Only with using your abilities to hurt others."

"Speaking of hurting," Leonard said with a glint in his eye, "I don't, as much."

"Great!"

"And, speaking of physical activity, that means I'm available for more of it."

"Very subtle, mister." And she kissed him passionately, then paused.

"What's wrong?" Leonard asked.

"Nothing. I was just wondering how that momentum conservation idea applies to two bodies that come into contact, you know…."

"Sounds like an interesting empirical question!" he laughed, as they began to experiment.


	7. Chapter 7

Tuesday night Leonard had yet another nightmare. This one seemed worse than the others, and it was, unusually, at night. Penny woke up with his thrashing around, and before she could react he was screaming so loud that Sheldon quickly knocked on their door to check on them.

Penny told Sheldon it was all right, just a nightmare, then turned to Leonard. He was very hoarse from the scream, and his eyes had a look of utter terror. He refused to say anything, only that he was better now. Penny held him tight for nearly an hour before he was calm enough to go back to sleep. She really needed to get the therapy started, she thought. Fortunately, her first appointment was for the next morning.

She left Leonard in the apartment – by now he was fine on his own, although Penny tried to limit her absences to two or three hours, in case there was a problem – to meet the therapist she had picked out. The session was very helpful. Dr. Kaplan suggested immediately that Leonard see somebody different, preferably a man. She looked at the list Dr. Sussman had provided, and nodded her approval of all the male names on it. She added two more. As they talked, Dr. Kaplan took notes but said little. Toward the end of the session, she put down the notebook and addressed herself to Penny.

"I'm glad you're here, and I'm glad that you will be making sure that Leonard sees somebody else. I have a fair amount of experience with people who have gone through traumatic episodes – including quite a few veterans – and I can tell you that it can be difficult. But in your case I am pretty optimistic. In my experience, there are three factors that are crucial to recovery. The first is a loving relationship, and you two certainly seem to have that. The second is a good group of family and friends, and from what you've said that also seems to be the case. So I'm optimistic that if we meet regularly, say once or twice a week, for a few months, we will be able to deal with most of the issues."

"Great," said Penny. "And, not to be blunt, but given that I'm losing a month or more of work, the fact that you're in-network is helpful. But you said there was a third factor?"

"Yes, and it's a little more complicated: closure."

"What does that mean, exactly?" Penny asked.

"It means being able to draw a line under the experience, so that you can definitively tell yourself that it is over and never coming back. In your case, it might be a little more difficult. You mentioned that you might have to testify in court, and there may be press coverage of all these events. So it's not unlikely that you and Leonard will be reminded of what happened over the next couple of years. That's not terrible, but you need to be prepared for it. And I can tell you from the experience of some of my patients that testifying in court can be very difficult. Lawyers – for the other side, that is – can be brutal, that's their job. So if it comes to that, we might want to have some sessions around the time of the trial."

"That makes sense. But we don't really know anything about the legal situation yet. We're supposed to hear sometime this week or next, actually. There might not be a trial. I hope not."

"So do I. Now, Penny, how we proceed is up to you. If you feel comfortable with me, and would like to continue to see me, we can set up a regular time to meet."

They worked out a schedule and Penny headed home. When she arrived, she told Leonard where she had been – she had wanted to wait to see how it went – and he agreed with the plan whole-heartedly.

"Anything to try to deal with these nightmares," he said. "I hate what they do to me. And I hate what they do to you."

"What do they do to me?" Penny inquired.

"Oh, you can't see yourself when you're trying to calm me down. You look just about as scared as I feel. Which I get. After all, we both went through the experience, and you yourself said that sometimes you wake up scared. So it's pretty clear we need outside help. I mean, not that you're not wonderful, you are, but I mean – " he was stumbling over his words, trying not to hurt her feelings.

"I get it Leonard, don't worry. I'm not offended. I'm not a psychiatrist, and it was nice talking to Dr. Kaplan. I think it's the right thing to do. You can look at the names I have and see who you'd like to start with."

Leonard smiled. "I know the perfect way: we ask my mother about them, and any that she recommends are off the list."

* * *

In the evening Sheldon came to speak to Leonard. He was still in a nasty state of mind, and it showed. "Leonard, you have to get her out of here. You can walk now, you don't need a 24-hour nurse. This is really disrupting my life."

Leonard had been prepared for this. "I understand, Sheldon. But you have to give us a little time to work things out. Penny and I have to figure out what we want to do. And we'd prefer to do it _with_ you, not against you. Do you think the three of us could sit down calmly sometime, maybe this weekend, and talk about plans for the future?"

"I suppose. But does that mean Penny is still here this week?"

"Yes, buddy. I still can't go out without a wheelchair, I still can't drive or go to work. Until I can get around on my own she needs to be here. That's not negotiable."

"Fine," Sheldon said, although it was obviously not fine. "Let's talk Sunday."

Leonard relayed the conversation to Penny as they got ready for bed. She shook her head. There weren't many positive scenarios she could think of. But maybe the girls' and boys' interventions Thursday would help.

Leonard's Thursday appointment with Dr. Sussman went as well as they could have hoped. He could give up the wheelchair, and try some walks around the block. With luck and effort, he could think about going back to work in a limited capacity within a couple of weeks. The couple left the office walking on air.

"That means you can go back to work, too," Leonard said. "Maybe you should go back now! I don't really need help around the house anymore."

"Not a chance. I've got six weeks guaranteed, and I'll take all of them – more if I need to. I need to take care of my man. And – maybe more important – I want to spend as much time with him as I can."

"Well, you won't get any argument from me – that is, if you can really stand so much time together."

"Hey," Penny said brightly, "now that you're so much better, maybe we can take advantage of Sheldon being at work during the day to, you know, try out some other locations."

"Very interesting. I like the way your mind works. And your body," Leonard winked.

Penny got a little more serious. "We still have to figure out what we're going to do about the living situation. I know one thing: I'm not spending another night apart from you. Period. End of story. That is not up for discussion. Do we agree?"

Leonard nodded. "We just have to figure out how to present Sheldon with options that he can somehow learn to live with. I suppose a lot of it depends on how things go tonight."

As they walked slowly up the stairs of the apartment building, Penny's phone rang. She looked at it and put it away.

"Aren't you going to answer it?" Leonard asked. "I have to stop to rest anyway."

"It's not important," Penny said evasively.

"Penny, who was it? No secrets, remember?"

"Oh, all right. It was just my agent. He's left some messages about the screenplay possibility, and about Kevin Smith."

"That's great!" Leonard exclaimed. "So why aren't you answering his calls?"

"Priorities, Leonard, priorities. We have to get you back up to speed, and we have to work through what happened to us. There's plenty of time for this later."

"No, there isn't!" Leonard insisted. "You have to strike while the iron is hot. The story is still in the minds of these people. You have to call him back and meet with the writers. And with Kevin Smith, if that's a possibility, too. This could be your big break!"

"And it could just be another disappointment. Listen, you said it yourself: I already have a job, a serious job. Acting was just a dream."

Leonard stopped his slow trudge up the stairs and looked directly at Penny. "It was your dream, and it can come true. It _will_ come true," he said sternly. "I can't believe you're using this to back away from your dreams. That's not all right. You need to call him back and find out what might be possible. Otherwise you'll never know, and someday you'll blame me for not pursuing your acting career."

Penny looked down. "All right. I just am so concentrated on getting _us_ right that this seems like a distraction. But I guess you're right. A chance like this is not likely to come along again."

"I sure hope not," Leonard said. "I don't intend to get strangled to death again. Seriously, Penny, this is the kind of thing that makes me worry. You're not paying enough attention to what you need."

"I need you to get better," she said stubbornly.

Leonard tried another tack. "Look, if you don't try this, you'll make me feel incredibly guilty. Is that what you want? Six months of gut-wrenching Hofstadter guilt? Are you really willing to be responsible for that?"

Penny laughed. "OK, OK, I get it. I'll call him back soon."

"Promise me."

"I promise."

* * *

Thursday evening came. Predictably, Amy was easier to get through to. Bernadette and Penny pointed out to her that the list she had presented to Sheldon looked a lot like a series of criticisms of his personality – very harsh criticisms, at that. Her attempts to sugar-coat them weren't enough. She needed to dial the blanket complaints down and focus on one thing at a time – and the thing had to be something that Sheldon could realistically do. Starting the discussion by telling him he had to jettison a personality built up over thirty years was not the way to go. They talked about strategies, and Amy went away feeling pretty good about the future.

They guys had more trouble with Sheldon. Every attempt to point out that he needed to pay more attention to Amy's feelings met with resistance. Her list had clearly set him off, and a wall of hostility now surrounded all his thinking about Amy. After an hour and a half of nearly fruitless conversation, Sheldon simply got up and walked to his bedroom.

The three men looked at one another. "Is it hopeless?" Leonard asked Raj and Howard. The shook their heads sadly.

But after a pause, Leonard brightened. "I have an idea. It's sort of a long shot, and I'll need your help, Howard. It will take a while to set up, but it might work." And they began to put the plan into action.

The following morning, Penny received another telephone call from the FBI agents they had met with earlier. They wanted to ask a few follow-up questions and wondered if they could come by that afternoon. After checking with Leonard, she agreed. The two men arrived at 2 PM, as planned, and sat together on the couch. After asking how they were doing, and thanking them again, and saying that the issue of financial compensation was still under consideration, they started in with their business.

"We wanted to give you an update, and also to ask you a few questions," the first, more formal, agent said as Penny and Leonard listened from their chairs.

"Mr. Thompson is continuing to negotiate with both state and federal prosecutors. He will certainly strike a deal, but the main question is what information he will give us in return for that deal. The state has everything it needs for the assault on you. We have plenty of evidence on the drugs. But in some ways the most serious charge is the sex trafficking, and Thompson is resisting giving us any information on this. He simply denies that he knew anything about it. We have computer files, from his computer, but he says they're not his. Our bargaining position is weak on this one, unless we can find some way to tie him to the human trafficking."

"I see," Leonard said. "That's too bad. But I don't know what we can do to help." Penny twisted her hands together nervously, sensing what was coming.

The second agent spoke; as always, he seemed more friendly. "We were wondering, Penny, whether Thompson said anything to you that could in any way indicate that he knew about human trafficking at the motel?"

Penny was silent, but she was aware that all the color had drained from her face.

The second agent looked at her kindly and said, more gently, "Penny?"

Penny looked at him. She whispered, "Do you think we could talk about this without Leonard present?" She glanced at Leonard, who looked shocked. "It's just that I don't want to upset him…"

"Absolutely not!" Leonard said. "If something happened to you, I want to know about it. And if it's what this implies, that will certainly change my views on what we would be willing to accept in the way of a plea bargain for Thompson. Please, Penny, tell the men what you know. I can take it."

Penny gulped. "OK. It was a little thing, but it's related to what you're asking about. When he was getting ready to, you know, assault me, he said a few times something like, 'We can do this this easy way, or the hard way, and you don't want the hard way.' Then after I resisted some more, he got angry and said something like, 'I know people in Colombia who would pay 25 grand for a pretty white girl like you, do you want to end up in Medellín?' At the time I thought it was just another threat. But with what you've been saying about human trafficking I'm not sure."

Leonard was white as a sheet. The two agents nodded. The second asked, again very politely, "Are you _sure_ this is what he said? Are you sure about the mention of Colombia, and the money? It's really important."

"Yes," Penny said. "I'm sure. I may have a couple of words wrong, but I know he said 25 grand, and I know he said Colombia and Medellín." She reached for Leonard's hand and held it tight.

"We're sorry we had to bring this up, and to disturb you folks again," the second agent said. "But this could have a big impact on the case. And it could mean putting Thompson away for a lot longer. So thank you. And, again, we apologize. I know it can't be pleasant to keep being reminded of these horrible events."

"It's OK," Penny said. "It happened to us, and we have to deal with it. And if we can keep terrible things from happening to other people, so much the better."

After they left, Leonard was shaky. Penny took him to the couch. "Leonard, I'm so sorry you had to find out about it like this. I was going to tell you when there was a good time, but it seemed like it was too soon. Please forgive me."

"I don't blame you, Penny, there's nothing to forgive. And of course I understand why you didn't tell me, especially with all these nightmares. But it's so horrible to think that something like that might have happened to you." He stopped talking, and shook his head. "I think I want to call that therapist, the one I chose, and see if I can see him tomorrow."

"Tomorrow's Saturday, Leonard. He probably isn't working. Plus we have that thing with Sheldon at 1."

"OK. I'll try to see him in the morning. I think I need to start working through all this."

* * *

Meanwhile, the gang's plan for Sheldon continued to be put in place. At work, Raj asked Sheldon if he could be available for a video chat with an eminent European scientist that was interested in Sheldon's work. Sheldon was annoyed that Raj wouldn't give him the name, but Raj insisted that the man wanted to keep the connection quiet for the time being.

Over dinner, the three of them had an unusually friendly conversation, as Sheldon seemed to be more upbeat than usual. The interest in his work from abroad appeared to have energized him and taken his mind away from his troubles, at least for the evening.

That night, Penny lay awake for over an hour after Leonard fell asleep. She was sure he was going to have a nightmare. And in fact he did, but not until around 3 AM, after she had fallen asleep. Fortunately, Penny was sleeping so lightly, worried as she was, that she woke up almost immediately and woke Leonard up. He was dripping with sweat and shaking. She held him for what seemed like hours, then took him to the bathroom for a quick shower. He was calmer after that.

"I'm seeing Dr. Shaw tomorrow at 10 AM, right?"

"Right. Today, actually – it's 4 in the morning. You told him you thought it was urgent, and he was very accommodating. That's a good sign, right?"

"Right." Leonard hugged her. "I'm afraid to go to sleep now."

Penny felt her chest tighten with fear and pain and anger. "Baby, nobody can hurt you, nobody can hurt me. We're safe. The patrol car is still outside, remember? I'm so sorry this all had to come up again. But it's over. You said so yourself. Just let me hold you while you go to sleep."

Eventually he did drop off to a fitful sleep, but Penny was up for the remainder of the night.


	8. Chapter 8

Penny drove Leonard to Saturday morning's appointment with Dr. Shaw, and took a little nap in the waiting room while he went in. Dr. Shaw was an older man with a fatherly air, and Leonard liked him immediately.

They talked at length about the events in Barstow. After the telephone call the previous day, Dr. Shaw had read the press reports, so he knew many of the details. Then Leonard told the doctor about the visit from the FBI agents, and about his recurring nightmares. Dr. Shaw listened sympathetically. He asked questions about the medicines Leonard was taking – he was down to a couple of occasional pain-killers – and about his sleep habits.

"All right. Leonard, I'll be frank with you. It's very likely that you are suffering from a form of post-traumatic stress disorder, PTSD. It's very early, too early to tell definitively, and it seems relatively mild so far. But it's best to treat it right away. The nightmares are the most vivid symptom, of course. However, if you continue to see me we can explore other things that may be related to PTSD. Let me assure you, this is something that can be treated, very successfully. I myself have treated many patients with symptoms more violent than yours, so I am optimistic."

"I have a few suggestions just for now, largely to try to limit the nightmares. First of all, try not to eat anything for about three hours before going to bed. This seems to increase the risk of nightmares. And, although I imagine it's not an issue for now, no alcohol. Also, try to use the bedroom only for sleep and other related activities." He smiled, "Yes, like sex. You don't want the bedroom to be associated in your mind with anything stressful. And if you have any experience with meditation, or yoga, you might try that before going to bed."

"Penny does yoga. But I think I'd break in half if I tried some of those positions."

"Well, don't do that. But she can probably give you some simple yoga meditation positions that you two could do together before going to bed. That might help."

"For the longer run, there are cognitive behavioral therapies that have worked well in cases like yours. They involve training you to resolve the situation in the nightmare in a positive way."

Leonard nodded.

"All right. If you'd like to continue to work with me, let's figure out a schedule. And since you are especially concerned about the nightmares now, perhaps we could meet three times a week, just for the first few weeks, to give you a head start. Does that sound good?"

Leonard nodded, again. They set up their next meetings and shook hands, and he rejoined Penny.

"Did you like him?"

"Yes, a lot. He's very nice, and he seems very knowledgeable. He gave me some tips for now, and I'm going to see him three times a week for a few weeks, just to try to help me over this period."

Penny nodded. Internally, she was both pleased and concerned. If the psychiatrist thought Leonard needed to be seen three times a week, his condition was pretty serious.

"He says I have the beginnings of post-traumatic stress disorder. Oh, and he said that we shouldn't use the bedroom for anything but bedroom activities. And he suggested that you teach me some yoga relaxation exercises that we could do before going to bed."

"Oh, I can do that. I know some great ones. I'm so glad, Leonard. It sounds like he can really help you."

"I hope so. I feel sort of like a zombie after last night. I feel like I was up all night. You must have been, too. I'm sorry I'm putting you through all this," he said sadly.

"I got plenty of sleep," she lied. "And we're going to get through it together. Remember?"

"I remember. I love you, Penny. What would I do without you?"

"Ditto, Leonard. Big, big ditto."

"I don't think there are variations in the size of dittos," Leonard said, and Penny was happy to see he was regaining his sense of humor. He had been so troubled, ever since the visit from the FBI.

* * *

They drove home and had lunch with Sheldon, who was excited about his coming video chat with the mystery European scientist. A half hour before the 1 PM appointment time, Penny and Leonard told Sheldon they were going over to her apartment to give him privacy for his call. Unbeknownst to Sheldon, the entire group, minus Amy, gathered in Penny's old apartment in the minutes before 1 PM. Howard assured them that everything was in place.

In Apartment 4A, Sheldon sat by his laptop when the call came in from a mysterious "anonymous caller." He opened the screen and was shocked to see a familiar face and wheelchair, and to hear a familiar mechanical voice.

"Good afternoon, Dr. Cooper."

"Good afternoon, Professor Hawking. I'm very surprised to see you; I had no idea you were that interested in my work."

"Ha, ha. I'm not. Howard Wolowitz briefed me on your personal problems and asked me to talk to you. I wouldn't bother, except that Howard is an excellent engineer and a man in my condition never knows when he might need an excellent engineer."

"I see."

"Dr. Cooper, I know the situation from Wolowitz and I can tell you what you need to know."

"Thank you. I'd be very interested in your advice."

"Here it is. You're an idiot."

"Excuse me?"

"I said, You're an idiot."

"I don't understand."

"You're right. You don't. You could be the smartest person in the world – oh, wait, no, you couldn't, that would be me. Anyway, you may be very smart about many things, but you are an idiot, or at least ignorant, about what your girlfriend is feeling."

"Oh."

"Very eloquent. Your girlfriend is unhappy. It's not up to you to decide why. It's up to her. She is the source of the relevant information. You listen to her, and she explains what she needs. You're the student, and she's the teacher. Got it?"

"I think so. Actually, I'm sorry to say, it's what my friends have been telling me, too."

"You have smart friends. So will you do that?"

"Yes, sir, I will try."

"Good. And, Sheldon?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Good luck."

"Thank you, sir," Sheldon was saying, but the screen was already black.

Sheldon sat back in his chair for at least ten minutes, then got up and walked across the hall.

 _Knock, knock, knock._ "Penny and Leonard."

 _Knock, knock, knock._ "Penny and Leonard."

 _Knock, knock, knock._ "Penny and Leonard."

Penny opened the door. Sheldon was shocked to see not just her and Leonard, but Raj, Emily, Howard, and Bernadette.

"Come in, sweetie," Penny said. "How did it go?"

Sheldon was speechless. He stammered a bit, then looked at Howard and said, "Did you arrange this?"

Howard said cautiously, "Yes."

"And did you give Professor Hawking all those details about my personal life, about my relationship with Amy?"

Howard stepped back a little, "I'm sorry, Sheldon, we were worried about you, and we thought it was the only – "

"Thank you," Sheldon said, sticking out his hand to shake Howard's. "You're a good friend."

The entire room seemed to breathe a collective sigh of relief.

"You're all good friends," Sheldon continued. "I'm lucky to have you." And he turned and left hurriedly.

Penny leaned over to Leonard. "Was he about to start crying?"

"Yes," he said. "That's why he left. Well, everyone, I think we can truly say that we have done everything possible. Now I really believe it's up to Sheldon and Amy – mostly Sheldon."

* * *

That evening, as they got ready for bed, Penny debated feverishly whether she wanted to ask Leonard a question she had long wondered about, and worried about. She decided to risk it, although she was pretty sure the answer would upset her.

"Let's talk," she said, settling in and taking a deep breath. "Leonard Hofstadter, does it bother you that I've been with a lot of men besides you?"

"You mean like in airplanes, or football stadiums?" Leonard joked.

"I'm really serious. I worry about it."

Leonard inhaled sharply. "Oh." He looked a little concerned, then said, very deliberately. "We've promised to be honest, so I will be honest. Yes, it bothers me. I mean, I know it doesn't make sense, you had every right to do whatever you wanted with your life, and you were having fun and experimenting. Actually, if I had had the opportunities I might have slept around as much as you."

"Hey!" Penny said, a little hurt.

"Well, how many men do you think you've had sex with?"

Penny thought, then underestimated, "About twenty, including one-night stands."

Leonard looked dubious, but carried on. "It's just that I don't like the idea of other guys having seen you naked and, you know, more. And I also worry sometimes that given the kinds of guys you went out with, they must have been a lot better in bed than I am. So it sort of makes me sad." And he did look sad.

Penny was heartbroken. "I'm so sorry, Leonard. I wish there were something I could do. But it's all in the past. And, by the way, you are the best lover I have ever had. Most of those macho types only cared about themselves – when they were done, it was over. You, on the other hand, pay so much attention to my needs. Sometimes I worry that you're not getting enough attention yourself. I've never had such great sex as with you. I hope you know that. And I hope you know I'm sorry about those other guys."

"Well, thanks for that. And I know there's nothing we can do about the past. Well, at least you're lucky, I don't have much of a past to worry about."

He felt Penny's body stiffen on the bed. "What's wrong?"

"You're wrong about that."

"About what? I've only had sex with…" he counted, "five women other than you. You've got me beat at least four to one."

"Yes, but you were with Priya for a long time."

"That still bothers you?"

"Yes," Penny said firmly. "It wasn't just that I was jealous, or that I knew that I'd made a mistake breaking up with you. The main thing is when I think about your being with her for a year, or whatever it was, I know that means you were very close to her. I was never really that close to any of the guys I was with. Kurt and I were together for a long time, but we were kids and we never talked about anything serious. But you and Priya were older, and more mature, and she's very serious and smart. So I'm sure you two had a lot of conversations about your lives, your feelings. That bothers me because now I feel sometimes like maybe we're just doing what you and Priya did. I want our lives together to be unique. I can't explain it, I guess. I just have trouble with the idea that you and Priya had a connection like you and I do."

Leonard looked at her closely, and waited. "We didn't. At all. You know, Priya wasn't like you. She didn't really like me the way I was. She was always trying to change me, buying me clothes and getting me contacts and keeping me away from my old friends. And she wasn't really the kind of person who talked about feelings. My conversations with you _are_ unique. I've never told _anybody_ the things I've told you. So you shouldn't feel like my time with Priya somehow violates our confidences."

Penny smiled, a little sadly. "OK, good. But I try to change you, too – I buy you clothes and things. Maybe I shouldn't?"

"No, no, you should. There's a difference. With you I always have the feeling that you love me, and just want me to look better or act more appropriately. With Priya it was more like she was embarrassed to be seen with me. Big difference."

"That's a relief; I like buying clothes for you."

Leonard looked carefully at Penny again. "Can I ask you about something? And can you try not to get too upset if it's a little, I don't know, pushy?"

Penny exhaled. "Well, I can try."

"Why," Leonard said, "did you not tell me how you felt, while I was with Priya? I mean, if you had decided pretty soon after you broke up with me that that was a mistake, why didn't you tell me?"

"Leonard! That would have been terrible! It would have been like trying to break you up with Priya. I couldn't do that. I knew you were trying to make it work with her, and that would have been really unfair."

"But you must have known that if I thought you were available, I would have left Priya?"

"How could I know that?" Penny exclaimed, a little annoyed. "I broke up with you. You had every reason to move on, and to be angry. And it's a little shabby of you to say that you would have dropped Priya just because I might be interested in you. That's not very serious of you."

"I guess you're right," Leonard said defensively. But then he started in again. "But how about after Priya and I broke up? Why didn't you tell me how you felt? It was so hard for me to ask you out again. I spent weeks agonizing over it. If you'd been honest with me, things would have been so much easier."

Penny was getting agitated. "I don't know, Leonard. I wasn't sure you were ready. I wasn't sure I was ready. After all, even when we did start dating again, we took things really slow. And that was probably a good idea. I guess I thought we needed time."

"But you still could have given me some sort of signal that you were interested. I just don't understand it. You say you always wanted to be with me, and there I was single, and you didn't do anything."

"Leonard, you're pushing things. And it's making me a little angry at you."

"I'm sorry, but I'm just trying to understand," he replied. "You're trying to understand me better; I want to understand you better."

Penny took a deep breath and counted to ten, trying to get her anger to subside. "All right. That's reasonable. But the fact is that I don't have a good answer for you. I'm a little confused myself about it. So how about this: I promise I'll think about it, and in a few days I'll try to give you a more coherent answer. Is that all right?"

Leonard smiled. "Of course. That's fine. And I'm sorry I was so insistent. That was a mistake."

"I don't know if it was a mistake, but it did upset me," Penny admitted.

After a moment, Leonard said, sadly, "I think we just had our first fight since Barstow."

Penny kissed him and ran her fingers through his hair. "It wasn't a fight. It was just a discussion, a little heated maybe. And there's no problem with that. So long as we're honest with each other, and don't let the anger get out of hand. I think we did a good job. We know what the issue is, I promised to think about it, you promised to wait for me, and we're not angry anymore. At least I'm not. Are you?"

"No, not at all. I'm relieved that you're not angry," Leonard said.

"Good. So I think that was what we could call a successful fight," Penny concluded.

"Hmm." Leonard said. "Does a successful fight mean no make-up sex?"

"Not at all! A successful fight means we deserve even better make-up sex than an unsuccessful fight. Don't you think?"

"Absolutely," Leonard said, agreeing demonstratively.


	9. Chapter 9

Sheldon spent all day Sunday going back and forth between his desk and his bedroom, pacing and typing on his laptop. He seemed completely absorbed in whatever he was doing, and since he also seemed to be in a good mood, Leonard and Penny left him alone. They took advantage of the go-ahead from the doctor and took a walk around the block, then had lunch in Old Pasadena. It was their first real day out since Barstow.

When they returned to the apartment, Sheldon was still at his laptop. He looked up as they walked in. "I think I have it all figured out."

"What's that?" Leonard asked.

"How to get things to work with Amy."

"Great," Leonard said, trying to muster enthusiasm, but secretly concerned about one of Sheldon's schemes. "Wanna tell me about it?"

"Not a chance. This is between me and Amy. If it works, I'll let you know. Now I have to text Amy to set up a meeting tomorrow evening."

* * *

Monday morning, before Leonard woke up, Penny took a deep breath and called her agent back. They had a long conversation. The production company was seriously interested in their story, and in Penny playing herself in it. They wanted to meet, and understood the constraints. But they wanted to meet within a couple of weeks. The agent urged Penny to agree: he felt that a few meetings could allow him to seal the deal, but that waiting too long was a mistake. With some reluctance, Penny suggested a few dates, two or three weeks away. And she told him that she'd be willing to read for Kevin Smith, but again not for a few weeks.

After the call was over, Penny started to allow herself to get excited about the prospect. This really seemed like a possibility. True, it was trading a little on a terrible experience that she wished had never happened, but, well, when you have lemons, and clouds with silver linings, and all that.

When Leonard woke up, Penny told him about the phone call. Leonard was ecstatic, and his enthusiasm wore off a little on Penny. The two of them spent a couple of hours talking about the possibility of a TV movie – who could play Leonard? Who could play Officer Lopez? – and about whether Kevin Smith was really going to be able to pull off _Clerks III._ And they also circled back to speculate about whether they might get money from the FBI, and what they might do with it. Leonard's dream of a house in Altadena was sounding more and more realistic.

* * *

That evening, Amy met Sheldon at a coffee shop near the apartment, for mint tea and the agreed-upon thirty-minute meeting that Sheldon had requested.

"How are you, Amy?" he began.

"I'm all right," she responded warily. "You said you had an idea?"

"Yes, and I think it's a really good one."

"Go on," Amy said cautiously.

"We're both scientists. So I thought we could approach this in a scientific manner. You can give me a course in Amy Farrah Fowler 101. That is, we could meet for, say, 30 minutes at a time. In each class you could present an aspect of what you'd like to see in our relationship. Or anything else that you think would be helpful. Not to complain or criticize, just to tell me what you like and what you're looking for. And that way I can perform my own analysis and try to act accordingly."

Amy looked thoughtful. "Sheldon, I think that's an excellent idea. I'll try to think about how to explain my point of view to you in small doses. Perhaps we could meet a couple of times a week for half an hour, just to do this – not a date, a class, as you put it. Is that what you have in mind?"

"Yes. We could still do date night, if you want. Or this could be instead of date night," he added hopefully.

"In addition, not instead. At least for now. Sheldon, I'm impressed. This is a really good idea. It's imaginative, and it shows a true interest in my feelings. Thank you for suggesting it."

"Actually, it came out of a conversation I had with Stephen J. Hawking."

"You're kidding. You talked to Professor Hawking about our relationship?" Amy was stunned.

"Actually, Howard set it up. He knows Hawking from repairing his wheelchair or something. Anyway, Professor Hawking suggested that I try to let you teach me about what you want. So I figured this was a way to do it we could both be comfortable with."

They made a date to meet that Thursday at the coffee shop, for the first attempt.

Thursday at 8 PM they began, mint teas in hand.

"OK, Amy, I'm ready for my first lesson in AFF 101," Sheldon said. He even had a notebook and a pen at the ready.

"All right, Sheldon. Class is called to order. I thought I would start with things about my childhood that might help you understand where I'm coming from."

"OK. Early childhood, very psycho-dynamic."

"Whatever. Anyway, when I was seven or eight I wanted to be like all the other girls. But my mother was very protective – over-protective. And she had no fashion sense, so I was always dressed really badly. You know, little girls can be very cruel. And they made fun of me all the time, saying I was ugly and that my clothes were ugly. I would come home and cry to my mother, asking for nicer clothes and a nicer haircut. But she always refused. In her view, all that looking prettier would do was attract the wrong kind of people."

"What kind of people?" Sheldon asked.

"I think she had some idea that over-sexed eight-year-old boys were going to attack me. She was always obsessed with sex, always in a negative way. Anyway, she told me many times that I was lucky I wasn't pretty, because that way I could concentrate on studying and working and didn't have to worry about boys."

"That's not true!" Sheldon said, sincerely. "You're very pretty!"

"Thank you, Sheldon," Amy smiled. "That's lovely. But, you see, I never heard anything like that when I was growing up. And it hurt all the time. It didn't just hurt when other kids were mean to me. It hurt because eventually I came to believe what my mother told me, that I wasn't pretty and that being smart was better than being pretty. So in my mind, since I was convinced that I could never be attractive, I concentrated on being smart. That was a lot easier."

Sheldon looked pained. "You had a mean mother. I'm glad my mother was nice."

"Your mother is _very_ nice, Sheldon. She may have some strange beliefs, but she really knew how to deal with you in a way that made you feel good about yourself. But mine didn't, so I really never felt that good about myself. Except in my studies, which was great and all that."

"I guess here's the point of the first lecture. I've gotten over the way my mother treated me. But I still feel that I was put down and unappreciated. I want to be appreciated. I think everybody wants to feel appreciated, and I'm no exception. So it is nice to know that you find me attractive. But looks aren't everything. It would be nice if you could show that you appreciate me on other dimensions as well – my mind, my ideas, my work. That would make me feel wanted, and it would make me feel that you were glad to be with me."

Sheldon looked at her seriously. "Of course I am glad to be with you. I suppose what this lesson is about is making that more explicit. And I can do that. At least I can try."

"Thank you, Sheldon. And I think that's enough for now. You can look over your notes and study up for the quiz."

"Quiz?" Sheldon said, surprised.

"I'm kidding, silly," Amy laughed. "The test will be how we get along. No paper quiz, just life."

"Oh. So did you think this was a good start?"

"I thought so," Amy replied. "But the big question is whether you find sessions like this useful for you. Did you?"

"I think so. We'll have to wait for the test, though, I guess."

Over the next week, they met two more times, and each time Amy gave Sheldon another little insight into her background and desires. She was somewhat surprised to see that Sheldon really seemed to be hearing her – he certainly took copious notes – and, with something of a struggle, appeared to understand the principal points. To everyone's relief, none of the meetings ended in recriminations. Sheldon was listening better, and Amy was taking things slow. It seemed they might be on track.


	10. Chapter 10

As the days progressed, Leonard's health improved. The couple began spending some time, usually in the evening, in Penny's apartment, in a quiet attempt to get Sheldon used to their not being in 4A. The therapy seemed to be helping, too: he had one nightmare that week, and it seemed a little milder. As Dr. Shaw walked him through the cognitive behavioral therapy, it fascinated him. He thought it might be useful for Penny, too.

"The idea," he explained one evening as they sat in Penny's living room, "is to train yourself to recognize when you're imagining events that are not realistic. It's hard to explain, but somehow even in your sleep you can recognize that a dragon flying above you can't be real, for example. And then you get closer and closer to the things that are bothering you, and you recognize that while they might seem real in your dream, they aren't. I can't really describe the feeling but it seems to be helping me. You might mention it to your doctor. Because you went through the same kinds of trauma that I did."

"OK, I'll ask her about it. But for now we're mostly focusing on some other things," Penny said, a little vaguely.

"Oh. Am I allowed to ask?"

"Well, you can ask…OK, sure. I still feel guilty about how I've treated you over the years."

"Penny, please…"

"Shush. This isn't about you, it's about me. The fact is that I do feel guilty. And Dr. Kaplan is helping me see that it's not really all that much about you – so how do you like that now? Some of it is what they call "survivor guilt," because you got seriously hurt but I didn't, and on top of it you only got hurt because you were trying to help me. But some of it is a little deeper, because over the years people mature and look back on how they behaved when they were younger, and it's not always a pleasant picture. Frankly, I wasn't a particularly nice teenager, and I realize that now. And some of the people I wasn't particularly nice to were people that remind me of you: really smart people, guys who were gentle and kind rather than macho. I know it was just high school, but I can't help feeling bad about that."

"I understand that," Leonard said, seriously.

"When you gave your commencement speech on Skype – I mean the real one, not the boring one – it really moved me. Because the kids you were talking about, and to, were kids I never paid any attention to. And it was so sad to think about such smart, sensitive kids having such a bad time. Like you did. And I remembered it again because of a conversation my father and I had that made an impression on me."

"Oh?" Leonard was interested.

"It was between the two of us, and he was trying to help me understand things about men, and about you. He pointed out how hard it must have been for you, growing up, and how strong that made you. Of course, I wouldn't change you, but it burns me up to think of how you were mistreated."

"It wasn't that bad," Leonard said. "Well, maybe it was."

"Actually, that raises another thing I've talked about with Dr. Kaplan. Your mother. Even thinking about her makes me really angry. Really, really angry. So angry that I'm truly glad she won't be coming to our wedding. The way she treated you – and the way she still treats you – is so awful. And since we've been talking about starting a family, I think a lot about parents. And I get worried about what kind of mother I'll be. Especially since there was a time when I know I wasn't nice to other kids."

"Penny, whatever you might have been like as a teenager – and frankly I can't believe you were as bad as you say – today you're just about the warmest, kindest person I know. You're going to be an incredible mother. The anti-Beverly."

"I'm already anti-Beverly. But I know what you mean."

Penny paused. "Leonard?" she asked, tentatively.

"Yes?"

"Remember I promised to think about why I didn't talk to you more about us after you broke up with Priya?"

"Yes."

"Well, I did. And I think I can give you a better answer. I think it was two things. The first was that I really was scared that you might not want to try again, or that if you did it we would mess it up somehow. And the second, which I guess is related, is that I didn't want to be a person you turned to on the rebound – a shoulder to cry on when you needed one. I think I wanted to give us time to be single together, if you know what I mean, and to start fresh. I figured that our best chance would be if we were going to begin again, not pick up where we left off and not commiserate over Priya or something. Does that make any sense?"

"I don't know. The first one I don't really get: I really can't imagine you seriously thought I'd turn down a chance to be with you, and we could have gone slow like we eventually did."

"That's easy for you to say. I didn't really know how you felt about me by then. Remember, we hadn't been talking all that much. Plus, look, I was scared! I was desperate for it to work out between us, and I didn't want to do anything to screw it up. But what about the other reason? Not being some rebound pickup?" she asked

"That I do understand. At the time I was confused about it, though. I thought maybe you were hurt that I had been with Priya for so long, and you didn't want to give me the idea that you were going to come along, as a second-best replacement. Not that I ever thought that – just that I thought maybe you thought that. Wow, that's way too complicated, but do you get it?"

"Yeah. That's a lot like the rebound idea. I wanted you to want to go out with me, to want to be with me, period. Not because you had just broken up, not because somebody had cheated on you, not for any other reason," Penny concluded.

"OK. I get it. I still think you made me suffer unnecessarily, but suffering is good for the soul, they say. I must have a lot of soul," Leonard said, looking as pitiful as he could.

"Nice try. You'll get no fake sympathy from me. Only the real thing. Right now, no sympathy. Only a big hug and a lot of love," she said, hugging him. "Anyway, it's getting late. Do you want me to show you another yoga meditation position?"

"Sure. But keep it simple. The last one practically broke my leg."

They tried a basic stretch on the floor, which Leonard was actually able to do. And then they headed back to apartment 4A to get ready for bed. They were still sleeping there, although they knew they'd eventually have to raise the issue with Sheldon. The Momentum Conversations had continued, covering everything from the cello to what it means for the universe to be infinite yet expanding.

"Let's talk. Leonard Hofstadter, when are we going to set a date to get married?"

"Ha! I knew you were going to ask that eventually. Reach into my nightstand drawer and take out the sheet there."

Penny opened the drawer and found a sheet of paper. It was a calendar with six Sundays circled.

"Take your pick. They all seem good to me: no conflicts at Caltech or with Harvard Law, or with the Jewish holidays, no long weekends."

Penny looked through them all. "I have to check with my parents, but as far as I'm concerned the earlier the better."

Leonard looked. "That's in about eight weeks, you know."

"I know. That's fine with me. But, Leonard, what are we going to do about living arrangements? About Sheldon? We keep putting it off because those two are still waltzing around, but we have to talk to him."

"I know," Leonard sighed. "Tomorrow's Saturday. I'll talk to him in the morning."

* * *

The next morning, Leonard wandered into the living room at around 9 AM – he was sleeping less, getting up earlier – while Penny was back in her apartment taking a long bath. Sheldon was at his desk.

"Buddy, can we talk about something pretty important?"

"What's so important?"

"Here's the thing. Penny and I are setting the date for our wedding. It will probably be in a couple of months. And we're thinking about our living arrangements. One thing is certain. I think you know what it is, but I want to make sure. The thing is, we don't want to live apart any more. What I mean is, we don't want to spend any more nights apart. Married couples don't do that, and we're basically a married couple."

Sheldon nodded. "I know that. I knew this was coming." He seemed defensive, but not hostile.

"Sheldon, I know it's disturbing to you, but this is how it's going to be: either we'll stay together in Penny's apartment, or here. Of course, we're open to your views as to how we might handle it."

Sheldon was quiet.

"Believe me, I realize this is tough on you. But we're not doing it to hurt you. We're doing it because we love each other and want to be together, and this is what people do when they grow up, get married, have a family. Maybe you and Amy will be getting there eventually. I hope so."

"I hope so, too, Leonard. I think about it a lot. And I do realize that you two are going to want to continue to live together. So I figured you'd probably move in with Penny. After all, you've been with her every night since you got injured. I've sort of gotten used to you two being together all the time. I know I was really angry at both of you before. But that didn't actually have to do with you both being here – it was mostly that things with Amy were so unsettled, and I didn't feel like you were taking my side."

"I'm sorry you felt that way," Leonard said. "It's hard, you know. Both you and Amy are our friends, and we were just trying to be fair to both of you. I'm sorry if it seemed to you like we were lined up against you. That's not how we meant it."

"It still bothered me." Sheldon insisted. "Anyway, I'll miss you a lot on the times you stay over at Penny's, but I think it will be all right."

"Actually," Sheldon continued, "it might all work out. Because one of the things I have been thinking is that if Amy and I continue to make progress, I would ask her if she wanted to be my roommate. With a separate room, of course. She wanted that at one point, but I wasn't ready. I think I might be ready now. I'm not sure, but I think so."

"That's very exciting, about Amy, and I'm glad to hear it. But that's pretty far in the future, I imagine. For now, let me be clear: does what you're saying mean," Leonard asked cautiously, "that you think you would be all right with Penny and me spending every night together? If it helps, we can alternate between here and her apartment."

Sheldon nodded. "I can deal with that, I think. And if the roommate thing with Amy happens you could move in with Penny, and that would be a good solution."

"Umm, well, there's something else," Leonard said with some trepidation. "After we get married, we will probably move in together for good. But it won't be in Penny's place, at least not for long. Her apartment is really too small, and she's making very good money now. So we can afford a larger place."

Sheldon looked substantially more troubled. "Moving somewhere else? That's harder for me to deal with. There's no guarantee that Amy would want to move in here. And, I mean, who would drive me? And you know I don't really cook. It would be one thing for you to be across the hall. It's another thing for you to move to San Francisco or something. I hear there's a two-bedroom apartment opening up downstairs. That would be an easier commute than San Francisco."

Leonard tried to be patient. "We're not moving to San Francisco. Maybe to someplace within walking distance, maybe even in this building. Who knows? That's a couple of months away, probably. We can deal with that when the time comes. For now the issue is our spending three or four nights of the week _together_ at Penny's, and three or four nights _together_ here. And I want to make sure that's all right with you."

"We'll have to talk about that other thing. I'm not happy about it. But OK for now; I can live with your coital commute back and forth across the hall. At least it will be quieter around here at night the times you spend at Penny's. I thought at least with you an invalid you two would make less noise, but if anything it's worse than ever."

"Sorry about that, buddy. But we're good on the commuting, as you put it?

"I guess."

"Good man. Sheldon, I'm glad that you and Amy seem to be working things out. I have to say, there was a time when I was worried about what was going on between you two. But now you seem a lot happier."

"We are," Sheldon confirmed. "I think both of us realize that we want to be together. We just have to figure out how to make that work better."

"That," said Leonard, "is what every couple has to figure out. It can take time. Look at Penny and me – I think I'd say that it took us eight years."

"Yes," Sheldon said seriously, "but that was you and Penny. I'd give Amy and me six months."

Leonard rolled his eyes, but figured it was best to let it go. "Thanks for talking about this with me, Sheldon. I know the whole issue is touchy, and I'm glad we seem to be on the road to settling it."

"No problem. But now I have work to get back to."

Leonard walked back to the bedroom, breathing a deep sigh of relief.

* * *

That evening, as they got into bed, Leonard reported on the discussion to Penny. "It wasn't all that pleasant, but he said he was all right with our staying together – you know, a few nights in your place, a few nights over here. He did complain about the noise at night. Apparently, according to him, we're louder than ever."

Penny laughed. "I always did like riding. Maybe that's why." She stopped for a minute, thinking. "Seriously, even though you're pretty limited these days, I do think that the sex is better."

"Limited! Oh, all right, I know what you mean. And I agree. I feel like we're more in tune with each other, even in bed."

Penny nodded, reflecting on all that was new.

"Anyway," Leonard continued, "back to Sheldon. It wasn't all that easy. I also tried to bring up the longer run, after we're married. I mentioned the possibility that we might move away, and he really didn't like that idea. You know what, though?"

"What?"

"He's actually thinking of asking Amy to move in with him at some point – separate bedrooms, of course. Who'd have thought it?"

"Wow. That would make it a lot easier."

"Maybe. But he was pretty resistant to our moving away. I can't believe we're having to take this into account, but there it is: if we do decide to get another place, he's probably going to have a fit."

"Maybe Howard could arrange another private call from Stephen Hawking to talk to Sheldon about our living arrangements," Penny suggested.

Leonard shook his head. "You know what they say: fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. I doubt it would work again."

"Do you think he'll ever figure it out?" Penny wondered.

"I hope not. Actually, I think that he believed what he wanted to believe. The fact is that Sheldon realized what he needed to do, and I think he was happy to accept that he was hearing it from somebody he respected. It just confirmed what he knew was right. Anyway, Howard better never do his imitation of Stephen Hawking again with Sheldon present."

Penny laughed, "That's for sure. So I guess we'll just have to work it out with him ourselves, without divine intervention from the great man."

"We will. But at least he didn't go crazy, he didn't start accusing me, he didn't run away from home. I'm optimistic."

"That's great. Ready for bed?"

They both climbed in and prepared for another conversation.

"Let's talk," Penny began, as always. "Leonard Hofstadter, what do you see us doing about living arrangements after we're married? I mean, forgetting about Sheldon for a moment: what do _you_ want?"

"I'm not sure. Sheldon said that he heard that one of the two-bedroom apartments in our building was opening up. That might be a possibility. But to be honest, that doesn't really appeal to me. What I'm thinking is that we should be looking to rent a house. You know, in case we need more room pretty quickly."

"Gee," Penny teased, "I can't imagine why that would be."

"Hmm. A failure of imagination. Well, can I give you a hint?" And he nestled closer to her and kissed her passionately.

"No, still not getting it," she kidded.

"No? OK, how about now," and Leonard rolled over so that he was lightly poised on top of her.

"Oh!" Penny's eyes widened. "That's a pretty big hint you've got down there! But, Leonard, are you sure you're healed enough? We don't want to reinjure anything. Remember what the nurse said about my being on top for a while."

"It feels just fine. Limited, my foot!"

"I don't think that's your foot. At least I hope not."

Leonard laughed. "Anyway, much as I love you controlling everything in bed, every once in a while I like to feel like I have something to do with it. OK?"

"You always have something to do with it. You have everything to do with it," Penny said, suddenly serious. "I want you to know that we're in it for the long, long haul. And we have to be equal partners in everything, in and out of bed. For all our lives." She stopped the rhythmic movements she had subconsciously begun.

Leonard looked at her and stopped moving, conscious of how important this was to her, and to them. "I know. Equal partners, in everything, forever."

"Leonard." She peered into his eyes, looking even more serious.

"I love you. I'm so happy. I can't even explain how happy I am."

Leonard smiled. "You don't have to. I know. I'm that happy, too. So now, let's celebrate our happiness."


	11. Chapter 11

Penny got up early Monday morning, with a goal in mind. After Sheldon left for work, she lay on the couch, downloaded _Catch-22_ and began to read. After a half hour she was lost in the world of Yossarian, and the Texan, and Orr, and the pure insanity of war.

An hour later she left the war-torn island in the Mediterranean and set the tablet down. She stared out the window, thinking. Reading takes you away from the world, opens new horizons, makes you see people and places in a new light. Gives you experiences you never had; feelings you never felt. It was exciting. It was…what was the word?...fulfilling.

Acting was like that. You could be Blanche, peering out the window on a sweltering New Orleans evening, tortured by a bitter past. Or Anne Frank, trembling in an attic at the sounds downstairs. Acting took you out of yourself, made you see the world differently. New experiences, new feelings. Acting was…fulfilling.

She picked up her phone and called her agent. The call went to voicemail, so she left a message: "It's Penny. I'm ready to get the ball rolling. So please see if you can move that meeting with the writers up. I want to get going on that project. And tell Kevin Smith I'll talk to him. I'm ready when he is."

Playing herself was not exactly opening new vistas. But it was a start. And she knew the writers would make her, and Leonard, people they weren't in reality. And if Kevin Smith ever got _Clerks III_ off the ground, any part she might have would require a lot of imagination.

Would Leonard have a problem with this? No. He only wanted the best for her. Even when he resisted, it was not because he was trying to hold her back, it was just that he wanted to make sure _she_ would be all right. She could complain about his apprehensions, but secretly it was comforting to know that he cared about her that way, that he had her interests at heart and in mind. Was there anybody else like that? Her parents, sure, but that was family. Otherwise, just Leonard.

Was there anybody _she_ felt that way about? Well, Leonard. She wanted him to be happy, to be content, to be…fulfilled. Even if it meant going away for four months on a ship in the North Sea. Even after that stupid drunken kiss. Science was central to who Leonard was, who he wanted to be, how he wanted to contribute, boldly going and all that. Like Howard being an astronaut. It completed him.

Sure, his insecurities were annoying. And his worrying. But he deserved to be happy. To be more confident. To relax. She wanted him to be comfortable with the person he was, to know how special he was to her. He had probably been in love with her since soon after they met. How amazing was that? That somebody so sweet, and so smart, could feel that way about her. And that his feelings for her never wavered. When you thought about it, what was remarkable was not that he headed straight for that motel office once he knew she was in trouble. What was remarkable was that it was exactly what she expected of him. Even at the height of that ordeal, when she was locked in the bathroom waiting to be attacked, she felt that if only Leonard could, he would be there for her. And, as it turned out, he was. He came for her as soon as he knew, even though it could have cost him his life. Nearly did cost him his life. She needed him to know how much that meant to her.

That's what her father had been trying to tell her. She smiled at the realization that the conversation he'd had with her was not random; he had planned it. Her father, wily as ever, knew her well enough, and had seen enough of Leonard, to know what lesson he needed to teach. After all, he had been there when she made Leonard pretend to be her boyfriend. God, that was unfair. At the time he probably _did_ want them to be together, and she just used him as a prop. Maybe that fed into her father's sense that she didn't value Leonard's feelings enough. So her father had made it clear. He's got strengths he doesn't recognize; help him see them. Help make him the man he wants to be. Make sure Leonard knows what he means to you. He needs to hear it from you. She wanted to be able to do that, because it was true. She wanted only the best for him, just like he wanted only the best for her.

Was there anyone else? Family. Someday, her children. Their children. She wanted them so badly. She wanted to bring them into the world. To meet them. And she wanted to show Leonard that childhood could be wonderful – not like his. He would be an amazing father, she knew that.

Anyone else? Their friends? Sheldon? She loved them all, she loved Sheldon, but it was different. Who knew what was best for Sheldon? He was so damaged, it was not clear what was best for him. She was not even sure Amy could reach Sheldon, at least not for a while. There was a time, right after they got back from Barstow, when the shock of the attack, and of Amy's "break," seemed to have put him on track to something approaching normalcy. But then he went off the rails again. Maybe Amy could help him work out whatever blocks made him so uncomfortable in his own skin. She hoped so. But what Penny felt for her friends was different: she did want them to be happy, and comfortable. But it was different.

With Leonard it was special. Like her father had said. He is special. So kind, so generous, yet so naive and vulnerable. He took such good care of her. She wanted to take such good care of him. She had been, these past few weeks. It was only a beginning, but it was the right beginning. Healing his wounds, his physical wounds. Now she wanted to help heal the wounds his parents had inflicted, so he could have the kind of life he deserved.

Penny got up and walked down to the bedroom. She opened the door quietly and slipped in to watch him sleeping.

Leonard woke up and rolled onto his back. He saw Penny and his eyes lit up, and he smiled. She had seen that look, and that smile, a thousand times. But now she could really read it. The smile said how happy he was to see her. The eyes said how much he loved her. And, she noted sadly, pleaded with her to love him back.

She sat on the bed beside him. She so wanted her eyes, and her smile, to speak to him the way his eyes and his smile spoke to her. For him to know that yes, she was that happy to see him, and for him to know that yes, she loved him that much, even if she had trouble saying it or showing it. She locked her gaze with his, hoping to see that he knew.

Penny ran her fingers through his messy hair, and rested her hand on his cheek. With her thumb, she wiped some of the sleep from his eye.

"We're going to be all right, aren't we?" she asked, only it wasn't really a question. His eyes sparkled more brightly, and she understood that he did know.

"Yes," Leonard nodded. "We're going to be all right."

Their new life had begun.

* * *

 **A/N: And so ends Part 2. Thanks to all those who have reviewed, followed, favorited - and just read - this story. I do hope to be able to return eventually for a Part 3, continuing the evolution of this parallel universe, but it will probably be a while.**


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